Unofficial Mom

Marching to the beat of my own drummer

2012-01-30T13:14:00.000-05:00

I'm hooking up with Northwest Mommy for Monday Listicles. This week's theme is

"10 songs that best tell the story of my life." But I'm going to switch it up a bit and just do ten songs that I love. Try out a few if you don't know the artist...I promise you won't be disappointed.

1. Ray Lamontagne - Let It Be Me. This one, like a lot of Ray's music (first name basis? yeah, we're tight like that), is achingly beautiful.

2. Ray Lamontagne - Please. Yup, more Ray. This one has one of my all time favorite lines, "baby I was born just to kiss your mouth" Swoon.

3. James Taylor - My Romance. First dance at the wedding. Husband and I took dance lessons and everything, that we didn't actually use. We rocked it middle school dance style...swaying and smooching.

4. James Taylor - Mexico. Danced with my dad to this one at the wedding. Unconventional choice for an unconventional dad. I think my jaw still hurts from laughing my way through this one.

5. Amos Lee - Colors. This is another heart breaker. As a side note, Amos Lee is very tall (and hunky in the best quirky way).

6. Alexi Murdoch - Orange Sky. I listened to this one constantly for awhile at the beginning of the infertility journey. The line, "and sister, you know I'm so weary and my heart's been broken" can still bring tears to my eyes. Another side note, dude is super sweet and humble. And hunky :)

7. Dixie Chicks - Lullaby. A song that can turn me into a weepy mess in about 3 notes when it's on and I'm thinking about Pie.

8. Adele - Turning Tables. Although I could pick just about any Adele song. Love her. But this one just kills me.

9. Dave Matthews - Oh. "I love you oh so well, like a kid loves candy and fresh snow." I love the imagery and the innocence of that.

10. Ray Lamontange - Three More Days. Just to end on something a little more upbeat, and of course Ray. This song is a go-to when it's nice outside and I'm driving home on a Friday afternoon. Windows go down, volume goes up and I rock out.

Not Even a Choice

2012-01-26T11:48:00.000-05:00

I'm picking the prompt, " Return to work after baby was born or stay home? How did you make your decision?"

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After Pie was born, Husband and I spent a glorious, amazing, unbelievable two weeks in a little family cocoon. It was the greatest two weeks ever. It was also the most exhausting, confusing, nerve-wracking two weeks ever. And then it was done.

When my darling girl made her big entrance, I was working full-time and Husband was working/going to school. I was the bread winner while he was pursuing his degree. So it was decided that he would stay home with her and I would return to work. It sucked (and still does) but it's the only thing that made sense. It wasn't even a real choice.

Unfortunately my job doesn't really do maternity/extended leave, so I was back at my desk two weeks after Pie was born. Still exhausted, still confused, and now spending most of my day away from my brand new baby. Did I mention how badly this sucked? Because it really sucked. REALLY sucked. Husband likes to point out that I must have been out of my mind to leave him by himself with a two week old when he'd never taken care of a baby before. I blame sleep deprivation. :)

But it was what it was, and it still is. And over the last two years, though I've spent far more time away from my Pie than I could imagine, she and her dada have become the most amazing pair. They are best friends and it gives me such joy to see them together. My two favorite people in the whole wide world madly in love with each other...

PYHO {It Still Hurts}

2012-01-25T10:01:00.001-05:00

Don't miss the chance to Pour Your Heart Out with Shell at Things I Can't Say.

Infertility. It sucks. It's a dull ache that never goes away. It feels almost like a physical part of my body. Like, there's my left arm, left shoulder, infertility, right shoulder, right arm. Some days I don't really notice it. Some days (when it rains, heh) it acts up a little and I feel a twinge. Other days, and thankfully they aren't very often, a pain will rip through me with such surprising force that it takes my breath away.

There's an adoption reading challenge that I was thinking about participating in. You pick the number of adoption-related books you want to read and split them between fiction and non-fiction. I have a bunch written down that I want to read so I thought this would be a great excuse to push me into it. You know in all my free time.

So I pick a book and start reading. And 6 pages in had to put it down.

That's all it took. 6 simple pages of a fiction book and I was undone. That raw, empty, heartbreaking feeling I carried with me everyday at the beginning of this journey had rained down on me with the force of an avalanche. I couldn't catch my breath. I couldn't focus through the film of tears in my eyes. I couldn't believe how fresh the hurt still was.

I never thought I'd have to deal with infertility. And once I did, it never occurred to me that it would continue to hurt so much after we had a child.

But it does.

That kid cracks me up

2012-01-23T10:25:00.000-05:00

Recently we've been teaching Pie about shaking hands and introducing yourself. Because why wouldn't you with a 2 year old? It always cracks me up because it seems so out of place to be shaking with a kid, but this weekend she pushed it over the edge into straight up hilarious.

{Pie comes over to me and sticks out her hand}
Me: {shaking} Hi, my name is Mama. What's your name?
Pie: Me
Me: Me who?
Pie: {pauses thinking} meee-mo!

I could not stop laughing. And it almost brings me to tears every time I think of it. Her first knock knock joke! And of course it would be about Nemo, her all time favorite thing in the universe at the moment.

And then because we're laughing so hard, she is quite proud and gives us this face, which just makes me laugh harder. Oh how I love that goofy kid.

I cannot believe...

2012-01-20T06:58:00.000-05:00

...she was ever this tiny (a few more gems from my camera dump)

Red Rover, Red Rover...

2012-01-19T06:44:00.000-05:00

I'm picking the prompt, "List the names of five dogs from your lifetime. Write about why one sparks a stronger memory to you than the others."

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I have a confession to make. My family is weird about animals. There I said it. We are not dog people, or cat people. We are "please don't sniff me there" people.

We never had pets, don't particularly get what all the fuss is about, and several of us are allergic. The only pets I've ever had are fish, and given my allergies, the same will be true for Pie. Though her fish are pretty cool.

But I have had several dogs influence my life...

1. Lassie - Not because I actually watched the show, but more because the phrase, "What is is boy? Is somebody in the well?" comes up more than you can imagine and never fails to crack me up.

2. Clifford The Big Red Dog- I loved these books when I was little. Despite being a dog, there's something very appealing about Clifford.

3. Old Yeller - Let's just get straight to the point on this one. I hate this book. Hate it. It was sad and awful and I think only added to my bizarre dislike of dogs. What do you mean they get angry sick and then I have to shoot it out back?!

4. Claude the Dog - To offset my hatred of Old Yeller, here's a dog book I love. It's such a sweet story Claude shares all his material gifts with a homeless dog, Bummer, because his family is the best gift. Everybody now...awwww. As a bonus my mom always read it with a French accent (I have no idea why. Mom?) so it was Clod zee dowg und heez frond Boom-air. And that, of course, is how I read it to Pie.

5. Harold from Bunnicula - If you don't know the Bunnicula series, I highly recommend it. I can't wait until Pie is old enough for these. These stories are told from the POV of the family dog, Harold. And are about Bunnicula a vampire rabbit who drains the all the color from vegetables. The stories are really funny and have such great memories. My mom used to read them to us on our never-ending, family packed into a station wagon vacations.

Wordless-ish Wednesday {Priceless}

2012-01-18T06:35:00.000-05:00

I was running out of memory on my phone so I just dumped all the photos, videos, etc onto my computer. As I was looking through them, I found this one.

I'm pretty sure I haven't shared this before, because frankly I forgot it existed. But this photo is the first time I got to hold Pie. I was in the delivery room when she was born so I had seen her, but I didn't get to hold her for a bit because they had to do some quick respiratory intervention with her.

So this is it. Just seconds after the nurse placed my daughter in my arms. This is the moment I became her mom. This is the exact second I fell so irretrievably in love with her. This is the moment my family began...

(and yes...in case anyone is wondering...I'm am a total mushy, weepy mess writing this and looking at the picture!)

Birthday Recap

2012-01-17T06:10:00.000-05:00

So my darling girl is 2 now. Officially, no question about it 2. And I think she had a really great day.

She woke up and came to snuggle with us (I surprised her by not going to work), and we eventually made our way downstairs. And she was even more surprised by a living room completely filled with balloons.

Then it was off to Waffle House for a special birthday breakfast. And while Pie debated the new fresh house salads...

...she eventually settled on a waffle (and most of mama's eggs and hashbrowns), and our waitress was so sweet. She put a candle in Pie's waffle and sang her happy birthday.

Then it was back home for more balloon playing. And we had planned on going to Gymboree or the park, something along those lines, but Pie decided to take a 3.5 hour nap. I'm not sure she's ever slept that long. It might have been because mama was snuggled up next to her sound asleep as well. :D
Then the Bios came over and we had dinner and played and eventually had cake. Which is also how we discovered that she can reach things on the counter. She came cruising around the corner covered in icing and there was a big swipe missing from the side of the cake. We let her have at it...it was her cake after all.

It was a pretty low-key day, but I think she really enjoyed it. I know I did!

I can't believe I just did that.

2012-01-16T11:14:00.000-05:00

I'm hooking up with Northwest Mommy for Monday Listicles. This week's theme is

"ten things we said we would NEVER do but caught ourselves doing."

Breathing a little sigh of relief when it's Pie's bedtime
Having the tv on so much
Not sticking to a more strict schedule
Letting her eat junk
Smelling her bum for poop (it really is the most efficient way)
Using her full name when I'm less than happy with her
Supporting...no...encouraging some of her louder interests (like drums from Santa)
Letting her get away with things when I'm too tired to fight about it
Letting her climb on the furniture, and subsequently jump off it
Not being completely present in the moment with Pie

2012. Stuff to do before the world ends...

2012-01-13T11:29:00.000-05:00

{+}

According to the Mayans we have but a short year left to do everything we ever wanted before the world ends (heh). While I doubt I'll actually manage everything I've ever wanted, I would like to do one thing this year. One big thing.

I want to be present.

I came across One Little Word through *explanation required and instantly loved the idea. No list of resolutions that will be broken before the ink dries. No guilt. No failure. No beating yourself up about it. It's simply one word to keep in mind. One idea to filter your year through.

And I want to be present in my life. I want to take a deep breath and immerse myself in the moment. I don't want to be filled with anxiety about the to-do lists. I don't want to be overwhelmed with what has to get done. I want to put aside the stress, take care of what's immediately in front of me, and enjoy the sense of accomplishment when it's done.

I don't want the fleeting moments I happen to notice. I want them all. Every last one of them. I don't want to spend one more second playing with Pie and thinking about the paper/project/test I have coming up. I want to be there. Wholly. I want to give my undivided attention and give me best.

Of course this is all much easier said than done. I have a real problem with stress and anxiety. But maybe I need to up my meds a bit and fight back. Or start yoga again. Or remind myself more often that it all goes by way too fast and I need to be there or I'll miss it.

So...

2012 is my year to be PRESENT.

Wish me luck.

If you decide to have a word. Let me know, I'd love to see.

Dos, Deux, Due, Duo, Two!!!

2012-01-12T08:19:00.000-05:00

This little girl....

This tiny baby right here....

Had the nerve to turn one.

And just when I got over the shock, she went ahead and decided that today she would be two. Can you imagine?!

Christmas Picture Overload

2012-01-11T10:20:00.000-05:00

Our Christmas was fantastic. Pie was so into it this year, and it was so much fun to watch!

We started with cookies for Santa. And being the good samaritan she is, Pie tasted one or two, or several or most of the cookies to make sure they were okay for Santa.

Coming down the stairs Christmas morning...

Santa came!!

Opening presents...

Yea a book!!

Dinosaur on the loose. She bolted around the corner of the couch before I could get a good pic...

And Santa's big present...DRUMS! She is crazy in love with these and surprisingly good at it. I'll have to do a separate post on these.

Then we headed to my parent's house wher she got an embarrassing pile of stuff and treated us all to about eleventy million Jingle Bell Rocks via the dancing snowman here. But she danced every time so it was super cute.

Middle Sister killed with a giant stuffed "Meee-moe." So now Pie can watch Nemo and snuggle him at the same time. He's become a nighttime fixture. He must be in bed with her.

And the all-time winner this year? My parents rocked it with this trampoline. Pie can't get enough. It's the first thing she does in the morning and the last thing she does before bed. She LOVES it.

And at some point I'll have to tell you about a couple of things I got that I'm super excited about!

Cruel and unusual punishment

2012-01-09T10:51:00.000-05:00

I'm hooking up with Northwest Mommy for Monday Listicles. This week's theme is

"Top Ten Strange (odd/unusual/funny/interesting) Jobs you have held in your life."

I haven't had 10 different jobs (chalk that up to being at my current jobs for 12+ years), so I'm going to focus on one job in particular and all the kooky things I had to do with it.

Top 10 Bizarre Things I Had To Do At Discovery Zone
(Discovery Zone was an indoor playgroud)

Look at this day-in and day-out and wear a matching uniform. Yikes.
Clean the ball pits (there were 2 huge ones and a baby area one) out completely, wash the balls, and refill them every. single. night.
Do the chicken dance...oh dear god the chicken dance...about a dozen times in any given shift.
Crawl through the tubes cleaning all manner of bodily fluids and debris. This was not a pretty job.
"Host" a Power Rangers birthday party, including mandatory trivia questions, for the son of the CREATOR of Power Rangers. Talk about pressure! He ended up being really sweet and asking for me specifically to do his daughter's party a few months later. **not me in photo**
Stabalize a broken leg while waiting for paramedics.
Count tickets, by the thousands, being swapped for completely worthless junk in the arcade.
Oversee lock-ins. This really was cruel, especially after having already worked all day.
Answer the phone, "Good morning/afternoon/evening. Are you in the zone?!" And the manager was always standing next to phone so you had to do it with lots of enthusiam. Gag.
Wear parachute pants. And I'm totally not kidding. The shirt matched the god awful scene above and it was paired with black parachute pants. The whole place was full of that "schoo, schoo, schoo" sound of people walking. Then when we got bought out and turned into a Leaps and Bounds we thought we'd get to lose the pants. Guessed wrong. They just changed the shirt from primary colors to pastels. And the phone message to, "Good morning/afternoon/night. Are you ready to leap into fun?!"

And that's that...

2012-01-06T06:30:00.001-05:00

So I'm getting back into the swing of things after my fantastic holiday break and have big things for you next week:

I'll be starting my second semester of classes on Monday
I've got Christmas recaps to do with lots of pix
plans for this year to figure out
and on Thursday (gulp) my sweet, darling Pie will be 2 years old. 2 YERAS OLD! I'm shaking my head. Can you see me? Can you see the utter disbelief?

But to hold you over, here's a quick cell pic of Pie rockin' her almost 15 year old cousin's new hat. Is anyone else getting a 90s, Fly Girl vibe from this? Watch out Jennifer Lopez...

What's Cookin' Good Lookin'

2012-01-05T06:50:00.002-05:00

I'm picking the prompt, "Your significant other's family is coming over in two hours..think about what's in your kitchen. Now QUICK...what's for dinner"

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My in-laws are on a collision course with my house and I will cook...nothing. I swear it's better for everyone that way.

The truth is, when they come to visit, Husband's mom has usually planned to cook one of his Southern favorites. Some meal that he never gets unless she makes it for him; roast, short ribs, chocolate gravy (well that one was his grandmother).

Since I am not Southern, nor do I eat meat, the cooking really is best left to someone else. If you asked Husband he'd tell you that with me in charge it would be cereal, cheese and crackers, or maybe mac n' cheese if things were getting fancy.

And frankly...it's funny because it's true.

Wordless Wednesday {Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow}

2012-01-04T06:32:00.000-05:00

34 for 34 {6 Month Update}

2012-01-03T10:32:00.000-05:00

We're a little over the 6 month mark since my birthday and I'm continuing to make progress. Oh how I love a list with things checked off. So I've completed 14 things and failed at 1. Not bad if I do say so myself. Check it...

Update my blogroll
~~Read at least 5 books that have neither pictures, nor rhyming verses~~ DONE
Start getting to work earlier so I can leave earlier
Exercise more
~~Decide which Masters to start~~ DONE
~~Start Masters program~~ DONE
Sign Pie up for a dance class
~~Be more social with neighbors so Pie has kids to play with close by~~ DONE
~~Organize work/store area at home~~ DONE
Re-launch HMH
~~Start participating in The Red Dress Club prompts again~~ DONE
Get published in some non-internet publication
~~Finish some of the crafts that are sitting half done on my desk~~ DONE
T~~ry bangs...eeekkkk~~ DONE
~~See a movie in the theater~~ DONE
Take my camera off auto
~~Have a proper date night with Husband~~ DONE
~~Organize Pie's closet~~ DONE
Finish guest room
~~Organize my Pinterest boards~~ DONE
Finish Pie's baby book
Make book for Pie's Bios
Help Husband organize his world domination plan
Become more active in the adoption community
Figure out the right way to take care of Pie's hair
Ride a bike again
~~Actually complete a craft/tutorial I have on my boards at Pinterest~~ DONE
~~Clean out the linen closet. I'm thinking space bags will be involved~~ DONE
Buy new, matching, towels
~~Ride the skywheel when we go to Myrtle Beach~~ FAIL
Finish Pie's coloring table and find a good place to put it
Rearrange furniture in bedroom
Plant bushes on cul-de-sac side of the house
Send friends/family more snail mail. Who doesn't like getting that?

A lot of this stuff just got done this past week while I was off work. I came to the conclusion that I'm meant to be a kept woman. This working stuff is for the birds.

Potty Training {Day 1}

2011-12-27T11:41:00.000-05:00

"Hooray!" my ass. More like, "How in the name of all that is holy, did tinkle get on that?!"

A very merry, happy, joyous...

2011-12-23T06:21:00.000-05:00

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend filled with fun, family, and all the love you can handle. xoxo Husband, Pie, and me.

* Forgive the photo quality. For some reason I don't have the file for the card at home, so this is a picture of the print...not the best.

Some of my favorite Christmas things...

2011-12-21T10:46:00.000-05:00

This little alcove by my front door is one of my favorite places to put decorations. Only the most special ornaments go here.

This little tree is from Walmart a million years ago, but I love how rustic and home-made-y it looks. And yes, that is totally a real word...

This angel is from Big Sister and I love her (the angel and the sister). If she weren't holding a Christmas tree I'd probably leave her up year round.

Santa is a must of course. But this Santa in particular is special because Husband and I picked it up on a trip that was like our second honeymoon. A trip that we spent a lot of time deciding we may never have children and we needed to be okay with that. A trip we returned from and within two weeks found out our little Pie was on her way. It was a very special trip and this is a very special Santa.

This little guy does stay up all year. It's so pretty and festive. It came from Big Sister's Mexican honeymoon (along with some amazing hand-blown margarita glasses).

Tree Update: Despite Pie's terror, we managed to sneak the tree in while she was sleeping. It was a little rocky to start, but she's gotten used to it for the most part and generally ignores it. But we didn't know how it would go, so we only put the lights, topper, and a paper chain we made on to decorate. No million ornaments. Just sweet and simple. Easier to take it down that way if need be.

Well, I take that back. There is one ornament on the tree. Pie's new, incredibly sweet, dinosaur. He's front and center and she touches him every time she walks past.

The girl loves her accessories

2011-12-20T09:30:00.000-05:00

...and is so fashion forward too. I see a new trend...bucketheads. And of course her new love "meee-mo" in the background.

Inside the Actor's Studio...yeah...James Lipton

2011-12-19T11:30:00.000-05:00

I'm hooking up with Northwest Mommy for Monday Listicles. This week's theme is

the 10 questions that James Lipton ends his interviews with on Inside the Actor's Studio. I love these...

1. What is your favorite word?Hate to be so expected...but without question it's mama.

2. What is your least favorite word? Moist. Just typing it makes my stomach turn a little. Gross.

3. What turns you on?
Humor. I love a good laugh and I love somebody who doesn't take themselves to seriously.

4. What turns you off?
Opinions based in ignorance. If you have an opinion and are fully informed and can make a coherent argument then fine. If you're just spouting an opinion you've been told is correct then I'm not the girl you want to talk to.

5. What sound do you love?
Again, I have to go with the expected here and say Husband and Pie laughing together. Greatest thing ever.

6. What sound do you hate?
The alarm clock. Good lord do I hate that noise. To the bottom of my soul it makes me angry.

7. What is your favorite curse word?
This changes constantly, but the winner for quite awhile now has been balls. But said with great emphasis...BALLS!

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
Artist. But one who could actually support herself, not the starving kind.

9. What profession would you not like to do?
Anything with child services. I can't deal with people who mistreat kids. I'd been in jail in under a week for beating somebody down.

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
Well played you.

An Evil Tree, Toddler Pimp Cups, and Santa is NOT My Homie...

2011-12-16T06:06:00.002-05:00

Apparently Pie is terrified of trees. Not in passing, she likes to point them out and talk about them. But in hand-to-hand combat range, it's an ugly scene. As a result, our Christmas tree continues to hang out alone in the garage. Poor tree. It just wants to be accepted and prettied up with lights and ornaments.

I'm not sure who decided this was a well designed product, but it is without question a toddler pimp cup. And Pie will be using it to keep her pimp hand strong. Ya heard.

And for the first time ever my little Pie just completely lost it during picture time. She's usually as happy as she can be, but the minute her little bumper hit Santa's lap and I stepped away...bad news bears.

I mean, just look at Pie's face...or even worse...Santa's.

The List {wink wink}

2011-12-15T06:26:00.001-05:00

I'm picking the prompt, "If you HAD to marry a celebrity...who would make your top five list and why? (Let's just pretend you're not actually already married mkay?)"

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This really shouldn't be that difficult, there are many a dude that I could manage to be with if I had to...in no particular order:

Ryan Reynolds - I mean really...do I need to explain this one? Didn't think so.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan - Scruffy, big dude, completely melted my heart as Denny on Grey's Anatomy. Sigh. Plus his smile is fantastic.

Dave Matthews - Another scruffy dude. Plus funny, plus amazing musical ability. Okay, I'm sold. No. Really. Where do I check out?

John Krasinski - Tall, funny, generally adorable. Husband maintains that I only find him attractive because he's famous. That if I passed him on the street I'd just keep walking.

Robert Downey Jr. - Seriously. Gorgeous. He's a looong time crush. I mean just look at that face...the bod doesn't hurt either :)

Wordless Wednesday {Christmas Cookies}

2011-12-14T06:36:00.001-05:00

Pie's contribution to the decorating...

And after a little prompting we had a taste test.

Then Pie decided she could probably do it on her own...

...icing first of course...

But she eventually managed to choke it all down.

And celebrated with a piece of chocolate.

What? Do I have something on my face?

Pie Takes a Call

2011-12-13T06:18:00.000-05:00

...and hasn't really learned her phone etiquette yet...

...though I can't blame her. Those Montel paternity test episodes are nearly impossible to stop watching.

23 Months Old

2011-12-12T12:33:00.000-05:00

Yes. That's right. Pie is 23 months old today...just one month shy of being 2 years old. Pardon me while I weep a moment...how has my baby gotten so big?!

My Darling Girl...

I am sure you know this already (Dada and I tell you every day) but you are the best. thing. ever. Not a moment goes by that I don't love you more, that you don't make me laugh harder, that I don't want to scoop you up and cover your sweet face in kisses.

This past month or so has been big for you. Your speech therapy is going so well. You try really hard and we are SO PROUD of you. Each day you say new things, or say old things more clearly. It's amazing to understand you and I'm so excited for the day when you can tell me what's inside that amazing head of yours.

We did a lot of travelling this month too. Mostly for sad reasons, but you were a rock star. You did so good in the car and at all the various events. And you, my baby girl, are so sweet. You didn't understand what was happening, but you knew people were sad and were extra lovey to them. It really helped.

We're getting ready for your 2nd Christmas and your 2nd birthday...so much in such a short time, but it should all be really fun. And the not so fun we're getting ready for is potty training. Yikes! You know the potty you like sitting on so much...well prepare yourself darling...it's not just for sitting. That's right...you tinkle in there. I know, I know. You're shaking your head like I'm crazy, but I promise it's a good thing. You'll like not having to change your diaper. The potty is so much easier. Plus, every time you go, you get to wash your hands...your favorite thing...playing in water!

You have been the most amazing thing in my life since the moment we met, and nothing has changed. You are sweet, quirky, lovey, smart, wickedly funny, beautiful, and all-around fantastic. I still feel like I need to pinch myself to make sure this hasn't just been the greatest dream of my life. I'm so lucky that I get to be your mama.

Happy 23 months baby girl. I love you to the moon and back.

xoxox,
Mama

1/4 of the way done

2011-12-09T09:41:00.000-05:00

I did it. I survived my first semester of grad school. This past week was unbelievable...and any given point I think you could actually see my hair turning gray. But I'm done until January!!

I'm so excited to get caught back up with everyone and get back to some sort of normal life.

Hope you all have a great weekend! We're going to decorate Christmas cookies...so that should make for some sugar-induced goodness. All of which will be caught on film, of course :)

Dear Santa...

2011-12-08T09:58:00.000-05:00

The prompt I chose this week is an "Open letter to Santa Clause"...

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My Dearest Santa,

I don't want to toot my own horn, but I have to say I've been pretty good this year. (Plus I think horn tooting is generally frowned upon.) I know you're super busy so I just wanted to give you a quick reminder of all my goodness:

Despite really wanting to on occasion, I didn't smack anyone
I held my tongue...mostly...well at least every once in awhile
I swore ever so slightly less, like this one time I called someone an ass instead of what I really wanted to call them
I only stole office supplies that I really needed instead of the ones I simply wanted
And I never took the last cookie...not all of it anyway

So as you can see, I clearly deserve anything I ask for this year. I'll have to send that list separately. I needed more room.

Love and Kisses,
Sara

Wordless Wednesday {Shirts v Skins}

2011-12-07T12:34:00.000-05:00

According to Pie, shirts are for losers. She has just learned how to take her shirt off all by herself and is happy to demonstrate the skill at the drop of a hat...

Oh no...where's my shirt? Oh that's right I took it off!

We're back...sort of

2011-12-06T11:38:00.000-05:00

Just a quick pop in to say we're back and I am in the middle of finals week. By Thursday I should be able to focus on things like blogging, getting a tree, decorating and basically anything other than the developmental stages of children.

I wanted to say thank you again for all of your support, kind words and prayers over the last week or so. It was lovely. And as difficult and sad as it has been, it was wonderful to know people were thinking of us and sending their good wishes our way.

So thank you. You guys are the best.

The World is Lesser Without Her

2011-11-28T10:16:00.000-05:00

Late last night we lost Husband's grandmother. She slipped away in her sleep with a smile on her face. We couldn't have asked for more.

Thank you all so much for your sweet words and thoughts for our family. They mean a lot.

PYHO {Grieving and Loss}

2011-11-23T09:39:00.000-05:00

Don't miss the chance to Pour Your Heart Out with Shell at Things I Can't Say.

Husband's maternal grandmother is dying. We are at the point where we are simply waiting for the call. She was sent home from the hospital this morning into hospice and isn't expected to last more than a few weeks...and that's being generous.

And it sucks. Really bad.

She is fighting cancer for the second time. The first time she was the victor. This time? Not so much. The cancer is winning and winning with a vengeance.

The world will be lesser without her. She is a feisty, irreverent, slightly crazy, completely wonderful nut. She is a surrogate grandmother for me, and I don't want to lose her. I lost my grandparents young, and didn't know them all that well since we live so far away. But this grandma, this one I know. I know her stories. I know her laugh. I know her stubborn, grumpy side. I know that she loves me and she loves Pie. And that Husband is her favorite.

But I know most of all that I can't anticipate the hurt of her actually being gone. The process of losing her is hard enough. It is heartbreaking and I am heartbroken.

The never ending debate...one and done?

2011-11-21T10:26:00.000-05:00

This week's Listicles theme is 10 reasons why you do or do not want more children.

...and there is the exact reason why infertility sucks it. And hard. Whether we want more children or not has nothing to do with if we have more children or not. Not having control over your family...if you'll pardon the phrase...blows. But in a perfect world, here's my list:

1. I have never wanted anything more in my life than to be a mom

2. I have siblings and would love for Pie to have that unique relationship for herself

3. Babies are awesome

4. Being a mom feels like what I'm supposed to do with my life

5. Husband and I always talked about having a houseful

6. Watching Husband be a dad melts my heart, seriously kills me

7. As morbid as it sounds...I don't want Husband and I to be gone and have Pie left alone (not that she every really would be with all her cousins, aunts and uncles...but you know what I mean)

8. My family doesn't feel complete

9. I still hold out a crazy, miracle needing, hope that I would actually be able to get and stay pregnant some day

10. All of my siblings have two kids and I hate to be the odd man out :D

Adoption Bloggers Interview Project 2011

2011-11-17T06:02:00.001-05:00

How does it work?

The Interview Project is open to any blogger who writes at least occasionally about adoption, is interested in meeting a fellow writer with different views and experiences, and wants to welcome someone into their own online space.

Bloggers are paired off at random. They get to know one another's blog and interview each other by email. On November 17, they will post the interviews on their blogs. Come back on November 17 to be introduced to over 120 fabulous adoption bloggers!

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I'm going to be honest about this..I was scared about the whole random pairing part of this project. I was terrified that I would be matched with someone who had completely opposing views or that I just didn't get along with.

Imagine the sigh of relief when I was matched with Jenn from Insert Bad Movie Title Here. As we chatted I couldn't believe how much we had in common. I felt like I was catching up with an old friend, it was awesome.

And then I read her blog.

I started at the beginning, and the next thing I knew I was reading the latest post. I laughed, I shook my head in confusion, I got mad on Jenn's behalf. By the time I finished reading, I was in awe. Jenn is amazing and so strong and I am so impressed by her. Just check out her answers to my questions and see for yourself...

What's the best advice you can give me, from an adoptee's perspective, about raising adopted children?

I think the advice I would give it to keep an open mind and realize it's a lifelong thing. I know that for me, I dealt with adoption differently throughout my life. My parents were very open with me and were great about everything when I was a kid. I mean, seriously, they had an adoption story book, answered all my questions, and made it seem almost like a fairy tale how I came to be their daughter. Then as I got older, those things went away. I remember asking my mother a question one day, she didn't have an open mind and it showed. She answered shortly in a way that told me she didn't want to talk about it. I didn't ask her about my adoption again for years. She made it seem not OK for just a minute and I remembered that. Looking back, she probably just had a bad day and I asked the wrong question. But afterward, she never brought it up. I assumed we couldn't talk about it. That wasn't the truth. But that's what I thought. So I guess the point is, Pie will probably process things differently as she gets older. And she may not always want to talk about it. But she might, and she might not know how to bring it up. I know I certainly didn't. As Pie's mother, it would probably be best to keep an open mind so that if she asks a different sort of question, you are able to process in a way that lets her know it's OK to ask those questions, and bring it up every now and then so she sees its OK. If she doesn't want to talk about it fine. But if she does, you opening that door will mean more to her than you will ever know.

I have three siblings and very much want Pie to have that kind of unique relationship. Did you ever struggle with seeing your adopted sister as your sister?
My adoptive sister is my sister. She stole my Barbie dolls. I pulled her hair. She helped me get ready for my prom and gave me a hug when I came home after having a horrible time. I answered my phone at three in the morning when she called me crying because she got into a fight with her boyfriend. We are sisters. We share history. We share memories. I still have a scar that she gave me that's never going away. That being said, we have a different relationship now than we used to. She's my sister and always will be, but she's very jealous that I was able to find my first family and that I have other sisters. I never understood that because my sister has two biological brothers. I always wanted a big brother, so I was pretty excited for her. But somehow she didn't see my little sisters as a good thing for her. Just as people who will take me away from her. I don't think that love is something that we only have a finite quantity of. I think that we have as much love as we need. If there are more people to love, we just grow in capacity. Anyway, she doesn't act like my sister right now. She's going through some things. She needs to work it out, and I'll be here when she does. I'm hoping she will eventually come around and we can resume our former relationship. I have hope for the future. Because she's my sister and she always will be.

Since you consider family a group of people who care about each other without necessarily having a biological tie, has that made things easier or harder in your romantic relationships?

Has being adopted, and the reunion process, changed your feelings about marriage and children?
I used to think that it was my destiny to grow up and become an adoptive parent. I asked my boyfriend about it after we'd been dating for a year. I asked if he'd ever be OK with adopting a child with me. I was very upset when he told me he would rather have his own children. I didn't get it. I didn't value biology at all. I tried to explain to him where I was coming from but he really didn't get it. It was like we were speaking in different languages. So we shelved that conversation. After I entered reunion, I started to get it more. I started to deal with some of my own issues, and I started to see that biology does matter. It does matter to a child to see people they look like. It matters for those children to see where they get there personality traits. And it's very helpful for them to know that they don't have to be ashamed of where they come from. I'm a huge fan of open adoptions because I do believe that these things would have helped me growing up. But back to the point... Now I don't see myself adopting. I'm not saying it could never happen, but I'd like to try to have biological kids at this point. I'm not scared of my biological background like I used to be. That was the main reason why I wanted to adopt. I was scared of what genes I might be giving to my kids. Now I know there's nothing to be scared of. I've been warned that when I have kids, it's going to hit me like a ton of bricks. Something about figuring out the bond between mother and child at birth and the fact I never had that. Should be a party... In terms of marriage, that view has never changed. My adoptive parents have been married for over thirty years. My first parents have been married over twenty. I have two great examples of marriage in my life (not to mention grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc). I just have one more set of people to look up to now.

Is this situation made harder or easier by the fact that your biological parents ended up marrying each other? Would you have preferred them to go their own ways?
I was really happy that they were married. It made it feel like I came from a good place. I was afraid of who they were because I'd been told horrible things growing up, like that my mother was probably a prostitute and my father was probably no good (kids in the school yard can be cruel). So the fact that they were married, had jobs, raised two more children, made me feel like things were going to be alright for me. So I've been happy about that. And it did make it easier to find them when I was searching. That being said, it makes things harder right now. My first mother is having trouble dealing with the fact I got in touch. It took her a while to figure out that she didn't really want to be talking to me, but she finally did. My first father and I have a great relationship. So it's a problem. They had to figure out how to make things work for their family (because their other children don't know about me and my first parents can't agree on when to tell them). And it makes things harder because she blames me when things don't go well between them. I've been accused by her of ruining their marriage, and told by him months later that I saved it. That's a lot of responsibly to put on me. Even though their marriage is their own and honestly I want nothing to do with it. It would have been easier if they went their own ways. But even after everything, I'm happy they are together. I'm happy that my full biological sisters have parents who are together. It makes me happy that they do have a family unit that's together and when things get bad, I just remember that they are together and happy. Even if I can't be there with them. It's still a nice ending. Or that's how I picture it in my head anyway.

We talked about the Triad sounding like a gang name. What would your role in the gang be, kingpin, enforcer, etc? Why?
What an interesting question! My role changes depending on the situation. I'm a chameleon like that, fitting in as best I can. Most of the time I'm the enforcer. I've always been that way. I believe everyone should play by the rules. The world doesn't work that way, but I believe it should. If I see something that's going on that's wrong, I speak up about it. I have been known to put people in their place. Then again, sometimes I'm the kingpin. Not so much online, but I tend to be a take-charge person in a lot of situations. Not as much lately, but some of that shines through at times. I guess it all depends on the situation.

I know one of your favorite songs is Brown-Eyed Girl, what about favorite movies and TV?
My favorite movie is Ever After. You know, the one with Drew Barrymore. Cinderella was always my favorite fairy tale. I loved it! I would watch it all the time, had the Barbies with the outfits (such a beautiful dress) and even had paper dolls that were Cinderella themed. I was obsessed. Then as I got older, I resented that she needed a man to rescue her. And then I saw Ever After. Same story, but she saves herself at the end. Her prince shows up after she frees herself from the evil dude (with a sword too!). That's the movie you are most likely to find in my DVD player. As for TV, it keeps changing. I really like Grey's Anatomy. I like the characters. Not loving this season though... I also like Glee because I'm a huge sucker for singing and dancing. And I think that Lea Michelle is amazing when it comes to singing (plus she deals with a lot of the same things I do, and those episodes were on around the same time I was dealing with it) and Cory Monteith is hot. But I don't cry if I miss an episode. I'm more into reading these days.

If there were one thing you wish people knew about adoption what would it be?
Just one? Adoption is different for everyone. I think a lot of people lose sight of that. I've heard adoptees who swear that adoption is the worst thing that ever happened to them, and another adoptees say it's the best. I've processed things differently over the last 24 years and I'm sure I'll process them differently in the future. So I guess my point is that even if you know someone who's thrilled they were adopted and had a great experience, don't discredit the person who hasn't had the best one. That happens a lot online. It's just different for everyone and all of us deserve to be respected for our individual roles and perspectives. Just like I'm sure that not all adoptive parents see things the same way. Or all first parents. You get the point...

You've mentioned that your life has a Lifetime movie quality, if they did make a movie who should play you?
I was told Anne Hathaway. I never liked her. But apparently she's the person who should play me. I've been told this now by several people. Go figure. Then again, Lifetime doesn't use actresses like Anne Hathaway. She's too good for lifetime. I personally love Catherine Bell because I used to be obsessed with JAG. And she's been in Lifetime movies before. She'd have to play grown up me though. Personally I could cast everyone else, but not myself. I'd have to trust someone else to do it.

And I have to throw in one that's completely random...would you rather be a ninja or a pirate? Why?
Pirate. 100% pirate. I love ships. I love the ocean. I'd love to just sail around all day and get a tan. Ninja's don't tan; they are too covered up. Plus, have you seen Orlando Bloom dressed up like a pirate? 'Nough said ;-)

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See what I mean? Amazing right?

A Thanksgiving Proposal

2011-11-16T10:13:00.000-05:00

I'm joining up with Mama Kat a day early with a prompt that is way too perfectly timed. The prompt is "Married? Tell us the story of how the question was popped."

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I posted a version of this last year...but I thought some of my new friends might like to see.
I love Thanksgiving. For so many reasons, and there are even a few that have absolutely nothing to do with mashed potatoes.

Two years ago my gorgeous niece E was born on Thanksgiving weekend. That same weekend we found out about Pie and sat down to talk to her bio parents for the first time.

I also got engaged on Thanksgiving, many, many moons ago. Husband and I had been together for 3 years and had been talking about marriage pretty much that whole time. We had finally started making actual plans earlier that year (2000). In August we booked our wedding/reception venue, a place called Ivy Hall. It's part of an old cotton mill that has been turned into an events location.

This is the ceremony spot...and then the reception was an inside/on the deck combo.Anysidetrack, we had booked the location, but Husband said that it would probably be January before the engagement happened because he was still saving for the ring. Little did I know that he was plotting behind my back with the help of Middle Sister and Mom.

Thanksgiving day rolls around and husband is acting like a weirdo. He's distracted and a little snippy. We head to my parent's house and once there, he refuses any drinks or pre-dinner snacks. I was starting to get really annoyed. Eventually we head for the table to start dinner.

We all sat down and start our family tradition of going around the table and saying what we're thankful for, one by one. When it was my turn, I was a smartass (what? me?) and said I was thankful to be getting married that year. Then I turned my attention to my niece G, who was 3 at the time, and sitting next to me. We were playing and I saw out of the corner of my eye, Husband standing up. And I thought that was rude, we were getting ready to eat.

Then I vaguely notice him on the floor, and thought, oh maybe he dropped his napkin or something. And I went back to playing with G. I don't know exactly who, but someone got my attention and I turned to look at Husband who was down on one knee. I instantly started crying, as did most of the family, it was such a surprise. And it's no easy task to surprise me.

He said what we're sure were some really sweet and lovely things, but neither of us have any recollection of what exactly. And then asked if I would marry him. I grabbed him and squeezed him and kissed him and cried. It was a completely perfect moment. Once he managed to pry himself free, he asked if I wanted to see the ring. It had been in his hand during the proposal, but I hadn't even looked at it. It too, was perfect.

Apparently at some point during their plotting, Husband had asked my mom how long he had to stay on his knee. Her answer was until I said yes. So the poor guy was on his knee this whole time. My mom finally said, "Say yes already so he can get up!" I said yes, he got up and then there was lots more crying and congrats and everyone laughing and hugging and looking at the ring.

We had dinner, well everyone else did, Husband and I were too excited to eat. Then we all went into the family room to watch Chicken Run. It had just come out and we had saved it to watch on Thanksgiving. As soon as the credits started, Husband passed out. He was exhausted from all the excitement. So he slept through the movie and I stared at my ring. Neither of us saw a minute of it. Now that movie is like Pavlov's Dogs with Husband. As soon as it comes on, he gets very, very sleepy.

I found out later that just before dinner Husband had pulled my dad aside and asked for his blessing. I loved that. And the fact that Husband, who is beyond shy, proposed in front of my whole family because he knew how much it would mean to me to have them there, just pushed the perfection level over the top.

When window sills attack...

2011-11-15T09:13:00.000-05:00

...little girls end up with big welts and maybe a black eye by morning.

The perfect vacation

2011-11-14T12:24:00.000-05:00

I'm hooking up with Northwest Mommy for Monday Listicles again. This week's theme is

about what makes a perfect vacation. These are in no particular order...

1. Frosty cold adult beverages

2. Getting my toes in the sand3. Excellent views

4. Napping in the salty breeze

5. Watching Husband try to eat things like this

6. Trying new things

7. Playing in the waves

8. Sprinkler fun in your pjs

9. Wearing appropriate eye protection

10. Watching her discover the world

Things that make me go HA

2011-11-09T10:27:00.000-05:00

Here are a few things that have been cracking me up on Pinterest lately. You can check out my original Pinterest chuckles here.

And if you want to follow...you can do that here

*Original sources can all be found on my Pinterest board.

Are you ready for some football?

2011-11-08T10:51:00.000-05:00

This past weekend Pie and I ventured into a rather chilly morning to cheer on my amazing nephew E in his championship football game. She was very excited to run around and watch the big kids.

While we were there the amazing Maura Roberts, of Maura Roberts Photography, grabbed a few shots of Pie. Seriously...I could just die from that little face.

Ode to high school

2011-11-07T10:20:00.000-05:00

I'm hooking up with Northwest Mommy for Monday Listicles again. This week's theme is pretty free-form. It's just anything about high school. So I think I'm going to do a half and half list of things I loved and things I hated during those years...

LOVED: The dear friends I thought would be in my life forever. (Only one still is)
HATED: Discovering most of those friends kind of sucked.
LOVED: All my nerdy choir/drama time. I got to travel all over singing and be a general dork with people I genuinely liked.
HATED: Feeling so damn awkward all the time.
LOVED: My little car. Senior year I got a Honda hatchback and I loved that car. Had it not been totalled, I'd still probably have it.
HATED: Being tall and curvy. For some reason high school boys aren't into that. It didn't help that most of me friends were like 6 inches shorter than I was and peppy. I never could do peppy.
LOVED: All the music. My friends and I went to more concerts than I can count. I don't think I spent money on anything else during high school. We went and saw everything from They Might Be Giants to Prince, The Cranberries to the Indigo Girls. If a band came to town, chances were we'd be at the show.
HATED: The pettiness. Even at the time I thought it was stupid and juvenile. I just have no patience for it. Perfect example: senior year a girl I had been friends whose boyfriend I worked with, freaked out on me. Apparently one day at work I leaned over, he looked down my shirt and dug what he saw. He told her and made it seem like some mutual activity (I didn't even know he'd been looking until later...no chance in hell there would have been mutual activity with that dude. ew) anyway she freaked and decided the best way to handle it was to climb onto the roof of an SUV in the senior parking lot when it was the most full, point at me and start screaming whore. Good times. Then she spent the better part of the next month or so trying to convince everyone that I was some man eating, boyfriend stealing, back dweller. Even better times.
LOVED: That every once in awhile karma, is indeed, a bitch.
HATED: A lot more than I loved. I never quite clicked in high school. I was happy to be done with it and move on even though it was filled with lots of happiness and good times. It just wasn't my place to shine. I was saving that for college apparently.

Wow. That was harder than I was expecting. Well coming up with the things I loved anyway :)

Just 8 Lines

2011-11-03T12:46:00.000-04:00

I'm joining up with Mama Kat again today. The prompt is "Write a post in just 8 lines..."

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November is National Adoption Month.

Every month is Adoption Month in my house because of her.

I wish I did more for the adoption community, wish I was more involved.

I am by no means an expert, but I think I could probably help somehow.

Adoption is awesome, amazing, overwhelmingly fantastic.

Adoption is also scary, confusing, and overwhelmingly huge.

At the core, my little one has two families that love her.

And I think that's pretty cool.

Wordless Wednesday {RAWR}

2011-11-02T06:05:00.000-04:00

Separation

2011-11-01T11:50:00.000-04:00

My girl. My sweet...

Funny face making...

Full of attitude...

Little girl is sad.

She misses her mama. She cries for me, calls for me. She has stopped sleeping through the night in her room because she wakes up and is afraid I'm not there. She wakes up screaming, and crying, "mama, uh oh", "mama, help me", "mama mama mama."

And there is nothing I can do about it. In fact over the next few weeks I'll be away more than ever. This masters is kicking my butt and it is making my sweet girl hurt. It sucks and we are sturggling. I hate...HATE...that she is learning so young that mama may not always be there when you need her.

But she will always love you. And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII will always looooove youuuuuuuuuu (yeah...couldn't help it. But enjoy have Whitney, or Dolly, stuck in your head singing that for the rest of the day)

Oh Halloween...you are...

2011-10-31T11:21:00.000-04:00

I'm hooking up with Northwest Mommy for Monday Listicles again. This week's theme: Halloween is....

Spooky
Little ones in adorable costumes
Not so little ones in slutty (fill-in-the-blank) costumes
Sugar highs
Candy corn and mellow cream pumpkins
Pumpkin shaped Reeses
A night full of giggles floating through the neighborhood
An excuse to decorate the front door
The only night people don't stare if I wear my devil horn barrettes
My darling girl beyond excited to dress up as a dinosaur

Pictures to come...promise.

22 Things Done

2011-10-27T10:56:00.000-04:00

Today I'm going to join up with Mama Kat for the first time. The prompt is 22 things you HAVE done...

Fallen in love
Fallen out of love
Found out what love really is
Got married
Adopted the world's most amazing girl
Finally finished my undergraduate degree
Started my graduate degree
Saw Rocky Horror (with live actors in front of the screen) in London
Saw Rent at the Fox in Atlanta
Made lots of stupid choices
Made a few good ones
Screamed myself stupid at concerts
Woken up to the sound of waves crashing mingled with the breathing of my girl
Napped on the beach
Been to 5 other countries and lots of other states
Moved. A lot.
Lived in a haunted house. For reals, yo
Worked in a homeless shelter for women with minor children
Baked a cake from scratch
Baked a cake from a box and said it was from scratch
Found joy in the smallest things
Felt my heart swell almost to bursting the first time I held my daughter

Wordless Wednesday {Is it too early to wax?}

2011-10-26T06:19:00.002-04:00

I don't mean to embarrass you love...but you have a little issue with your upper lip. Maybe they make baby wax and we can take care of it. Or maybe I just need to find you some mustard...

Top Ten Tips for New Mommies

2011-10-24T10:38:00.000-04:00

I'm hooking up with Northwest Mommy for Monday Listicles again. This week's theme is Top Ten Tips for New Mommies.

Sleep when the baby sleeps. Seriously. Whatever you think you need to get accomplished while they nap can wait. You need sleep.
No one cares how clean your house is. If people are coming to visit I guarantee they don't care about the state of your house. Or the state of you for that matter. They're coming to see the baby anyway, so don't stress about being a good hostess.
Take any help offered. And don't be afraid to ask for it. People who are offering, genuinely want to help and won't judge you for taking it.
Save money on expensive clothes. If you want one or two special outfits, fine, but overall those first weeks and months will be covered in all manner of ickiness, and you stress a lot less if said ickiness is on a $3 onesie. You'll be holed up and exhausted anyway, so there's no need to have a fashion plate baby.
Never feel bad about asking your pediatrician questions. That's what they're there for...to answer your questions and ease your fears. I used to go in with my special notebook full of things to ask (okay who am I kidding...I still do that).
Talk to other moms. People who have gone before may be able to save you a lot of heartache trying to find products and solutions that work.
If you're feeling like there might even be the slightest chance you're dealing with PPD, TELL YOUR DOCTOR. It is nothing to be ashamed of...and nothing to play around with. Your doctor can help. And if that help involves medication, take it. It does not make you a bad mom or a bad person.
Document as much as you can. In the exhausted stupor that follows a new baby's arrival, you don't realize how precious all of the coos and quirks will be later. Take lots of pictures, videos and notes.
Snuggle. Snuggle to your heart's content. There is nothing better in the entire world than snuggling your new little love.
Take a minute. Remember to take a minute and a deep breath and soak in all the wonder of a new baby. It is a joy beyond words and you need to stop and bask in that occasionally. Even if it's just for the second it takes you to throw away a stinky diaper.

PYHO {Putting it Out There}

2011-10-19T06:04:00.002-04:00

All the cool kids are doing it...you should too. Pour Your Heart Out with Shell at Things I Can't Say.

There's a lot I carry with me. An ever shifting mosaic of worries and wants. So I've decided to put it out there and let it go. Of course that's easier said than done. But you never know what will come your way when you share with others.

Here goes, in no particular order:

More kids. We really want any other children we adopt to be mixed like Pie. My ultimate dream would be mixed twins as our next kiddies. I have no gender preference at all. Boys and girls equally welcome :)
A job I love.
Financial stability for my family.
Husband's business to take off.
To actually sell the things I make. Not necessarily for the money, though that part is nice, but to share the things I love making with others.
To have more time with Pie. Between work and school it seems like I never see her.
To be comfortable in my own skin.

There's maybe a million other things I worry/think/stress about on a daily basis, but those take up the most space. So now I've shared, now I've put these things into the universe, and I can kick them out of my head. Good luck with that, right?

The joy of a list...

2011-10-17T12:03:00.000-04:00

I'm hooking up with Northwest Mommy for Monday Listicles. This week's theme is guilty pleasures...and I have plenty of those...

1) Target Black and White trail mix. This stuff is the devil.

2) Food Network. I can't cook to save my life, but can spend all day watching FN.

3) Any number of reality shows...most embarrassingly Teen Mom/16 and Pregnant and America's Next Top Model.

4) Cake. In any form. Cup, pop, slice, sheet...you name it and I love it.

5) Cracking my knuckles. It's a terrible habit and one that really grosses some people out, but I can't stop. I've done it forever and can pop just about anything from my ankles to my nose. It gives me that quick relaxing fix when I need it. (I seriously had to stop typing that to crack all of the joints in my hands and my neck. Hehehe)

6) Blistex Complete Moisture. I call this a guilty pleasure because it's a bit of a problem. I have tubes of it everywhere. I typically have no less than 7 tubes open and in use at any given time. I told you. A problem.

7) Office Supplies. I buy an absurd amount of them. I have little sprees and then figure out what to do with them, instead of having a need and buying them to fill it. What can I say...Staples is my happy place.

8) Pinterest. I spend more time pinning than just about any other thing I do. I am seriously going to have to cut myself off. But if you want to follow and support my habit, you can here...

9) Craft projects as a result of number 8. I pin, I buy the supplies, I fake clean them into the closet when people are coming over, I forget all about it. Rinse. Repeat.

10) Flip flops. Cheap ones. I buy crappy, cheap flip flops and wear them every day for about 8 months of the year. The ones I have on now were about $6.00, 3 years ago. They have absolutely no sole left and I almost busted ass in the rain last week, but I've got them on again. Sigh.

So that's it. There are many (many) others, but those are the top 10. What are your guilty pleasures?

PYHO {Never Enough}

2011-10-12T10:52:00.000-04:00

Another Pour Your Heart Out with Shell at Things I Can't Say.

There is never enough. Never enough money, energy, sleep, time with Pie, hours in the day...you name it and it is likey in short supply at my house. Well, as long as you don't name bum size. That we have plenty of...

I'm still trying to figure out this whole mom/working full-time/school full-time thing. So far I'm not doing a great job. I'm stretched to the breaking point, exhausted beyond reason and feeling more and more guilty every day for the time it's taking away from my family.

I haven't found that place where I feel balanced. I'm not totally confident that place exists. Lots of things are falling by the wayside, namely my connection to the blog world. I haven't been able to post as often as I used to, I haven't been around commenting on other's blogs, I haven't been around for some friends who have big exciting things going on. And I have no idea how I'm going to resolve that.

I love my blog. I love having this space, and the community of bloggers I have found. I love the friends, yes real friends, I've made through this place. And I am feeling the lack of connection to them lately. I'm hoping that I can find a way to be present in my real life and my internet life. And while I struggle to figure that out, while I'm not around as much...I hope you all know I'm thinking of you and hope you'll stick with me until I get my Wonder Woman powers back and can do it all.

xoxo

Apple picking is a lot more fun...

2011-10-11T06:33:00.001-04:00

...when you aren't terrified of the trees. Not sure what that's about, but Pie managed to rally for the petting zoo. Nothing like a pen full of bunnies or piggies to help get over your fears.

Flashback Friday {College Part 2}

2011-10-07T06:56:00.001-04:00

Okay...so two weeks ago I showed you my scary eyebrows, big hair and beloved overalls. This week we're revisiting college, because after all it is a wealth of embarrassment.

Today we have my student ID, taken maybe a year after the other photo. But just so people didn't get confused about who I was, I was still rocking the big hair, the bigger eyebrows, and what's that? Yup, the overalls.

I'd like to point out a few of the greater tragedies here though: My hair is straight, yet still giant. I decided I was tired of fighting the crazy curls all the time and set out on a mission to destroy them. This picture is after I had it chemically straightened. It was essentially a reverse perm. And yes my hair was straight. What they failed to tell me was that it would maintain the same size and texture as my curly hair. So I spent quite awhile with triangle hair. Flat, triangle shaped hair. Bad news.
The necklace. Oh the necklace. It was actually a really uncomfortable anklet that I turned into a necklace. Big, chunky, and a couple of inches of random twine I found. There I go again with my cutting edge fashion choices.
I really can't say anything about the sunglasses on the head. I still do that. Or the no make-up. I still do that too. But I vividly remember having this picture taken and thinking I was so cool and alternative. What a total dork. Actually I can't say much about that either...I'm still a dork too.

Hope you all have a great weekend. I'm off to do a little apple picking. I think the overalls will be perfect...

No...But Really...

2011-10-06T06:56:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I gave you the funny side of my anniversary. At least part of it...there's so much more madness. I could seriously do another 10 posts.

But today I wanted to tell you some of the great and wonderful. I am married to the man of my dreams (barring Ryan Reynolds deciding he's desperate for me of course). He is my best friend, my first love, and the only place I want to turn whether I'm happy or sad.

He's amazing. Seriously...I'm married to:

my first official boyfriend. I dated, but no boyfriends before.
the only man I've ever said I love you to who isn't a relative.
a man who told his mom after our first date that he would marry me.
a man who used to drive 3 hours each way on work days just to see me. He'd get to me about 8:00pm and would have to leave no later than 4:00am to get back to work.
a man who showed up at my door with roses, movies and mashed potatoes when I was sick
a man who left the only home he'd ever known to live with me (after just 3 months).
a man who followed me to Atlanta after I left school. We had been apart only a few weeks and there was a knock at the door. He had quit his job, packed his life into the back of the truck and come to Atlanta because he couldn't stand being apart any longer. He didn't even have a place to stay.
a man who put aside his terrible shyness to propose in front of my entire family because he knew how happy it would make me to have them there.
a man who couldn't let our anniversary pass without doing something, despite being completely broke, so he came home with this.

I couldn't love him more.

George Clooney's Got Nothing On Me

2011-10-05T06:12:00.001-04:00

Today is my anniversary. 14 years ago today, Husband and I decided we'd be together. That we were in it for the long haul. And 10 years ago today, we made it official.

I can't say those 14 years have all been sunshine and unicorns, but through it all I've had my best friend holding my hand. Here's to the next 14. I love you Pants.

***The rest of this post originally appeared in July 2010 on {Not} The Very Best Housewife. But the entertainment value is too great not to share again. So please enjoy the disaster that was my wedding.***

George Clooney's Got Nothing On Me

My wedding was a perfect storm of things gone wrong (not even counting the facts that it was two weeks after 9/11 and none of my extended family wanted to fly and didn't come or that my sister and co- maid of honor had only been out of the hospital after giving birth to her first child for about 3 days). It was a mess, but I was married at the end of the day so the rest was just material for stories later.

There is more crazy about that day, and the months leading up to it, than I could put in a hundred posts...so I'm just going to hit the highlights for you.

1) Months before the wedding, maybe even before the engagement, I found the dress. THE DRESS. I cut it out of magazines, made a folder exclusively for it, and hunted it down within a 3 hour radius of where I lived. I got the dress. The only hitch was that the dress had been discontinued by that point and the store only had one left. It was a size or two too small. I fit into it, but only if I didn't breathe. I bought the dress certain that before any alterations had to be done I would really fit into it. A month before the wedding we went for alterations. I had a small panic attack when the dress still didn't fit. I had not lost the weight. They could not alter it so that circulation would continue in the lower half of my body. I had to buy a new dress. I bought a second dress that day. It fit. Looking back it was not me at all. This pic is the second dress...

So new dress in hand I start the alteration process again. We went through the first round, I went back to try it, a few more tweaks were needed. I went back after the second alterations, the day before the wedding, and the sleeves had been altered to the point that I could not raise my arms more than about 15 degrees away from my body. We had so much to do that day...rehearsals, rehearsal dinner, gathering out-of-town guests...that I could not address it.

This is my mother cutting said sleeves off my dress the day of the wedding. You read that right. The DAY OF THE WEDDING. I was headed out the door to get my hair and make-up done when this picture was snapped. That's my uncle sitting with her. He was an industrial engineer so he felt certain between the two of them they could fashion some sort of new sleeves out of the random yard of fabric they found in my parent's laundry room. Surprisingly they did.

2) As I left my mom, my uncle and my dismantled dress behind, mere hours before the wedding, and headed to my beautifying it started to rain. Really rain. We were getting married outside. Good times.

3) Once we got to the wedding site...still in the rain...we found that the man who was marrying us was not there. He was late. And I don't just mean that he was later than we expected. I mean we started the wedding half an hour later than intended because he was not there. I never did find out what his hold-up was...

4) While we were waiting, I decided to go to the bathroom one more time. Anyone who has tried to do this in a wedding dress knows it's no easy feat. It took awhile. Apparently everyone arrived during this time and they decided to start the wedding. I came out of the bathroom to find that all of the families and half of the wedding party had already gone down the aisle. Guess they didn't think the bride was worth waiting for...

5) The rain did eventually stop, a few minutes before the ceremony. Something in the aisle runner when mixed with water became extremely sticky. I ended up walking out of my shoes completely, having to stop, back up and peel them off the runner.

6) The ceremony itself went along with no major issues. Once we started taking pictures afterward though I noticed something on Husband's face. I reached for it and he jerked away. He had cut himself shaving that morning. Pretty badly. So he had put a piece of toilet paper on his face to stop the bleeding. It was stuck there. We got married while he had toilet paper stuck to his face.

Seriously people...I could do this all day.

7) I'll just do one more though. My soon to be father-in law, who almost didn't come to the wedding because it was during hunting season...awesome, apparently lost his regular glasses the day before they left for the wedding. In a crafty move he grabbed the only other glasses he had that were prescription. They were safety goggles. My FIL wore safety goggles to our wedding. Don't believe me? Here's photographic evidence...note the plastic side walls to protect from any stray wedding shrapnel.

As many things as went crazy wrong, I still ended up Mrs. Husband at the end of the day. That's all I wanted. And along the way there were some beyond fantastic moments...lots of laughing and lots of love. There are so many things that are forever imprinted in the memories of our family. So many things that we still laugh about.

Especially great was dancing with my dad to James Taylor's Mexico. It's a fast song, an unexpected father-daughter dance song, but one with lots of history. My dad and I used to dance to it when I was little, with my small feet on top of his grown-up ones. Then we took dance lessons and choreographed something for the wedding, we were hysterical through the whole thing. By the time the song was over my side ached from laughing. And then last week, on my vacation, my dad danced to it with my daughter...talk about full circle.

So all of that boils down to my advice for anyone who is getting married...the wedding is just that...a wedding. It's a very expensive party. The important part is what comes after. If you take the things that will inevitably go wrong on that day with a grain of salt, it will help put you in the right frame of mind to start your marriage. No matter what, if you're married to your best friend at the end of the day, then it was a success.

The Baby Whisperer

2011-10-04T09:43:00.000-04:00

My little Pie has been doing speech therapy for awhile now and I can't begin to tell you the difference it has made. Her therapist is seriously the baby whisperer. There just aren't enough good words to describe her and the progress she has made with Pie.

Going in, Pie could say: Dada, Mama, occasionally outside and a handful of animal noises.

Now she says: Poppy, in, on, shoe, outside, school, uh-oh, ouch, stuck, one, two, three, a, b, c, o, q, z, jump, go, bubble, din-din (dinner), nie-nie (night-night), bye bye, and a bunch more I can't think of right now.

She can also sign: more, please, milk, eat, and sometimes thank you.

And can make the animal noises for: horse, cow, kitten, puppy, pig, chicken, cuckoo bird, owl, giraffe, whale, dinosaur, and I think I'm forgetting a few here too.

After every session she comes home with new skills and it never fails to amaze me. It was absolutely the right decision for her. Plus she practices the mouth positions for different words and that by itself is cute enough for it all to be worthwhile!

Hey, I Put Some New Shoes On...

2011-10-03T06:12:00.000-04:00

...and suddenly everything is right.

Pie has decided to go through a crazy growth spurt and now officially has nothing that fits. I've been running into the store on the way home to get pjs and socks and whatever else I can grab to get her through the next day. I'm going to have to do a massive shop for all the basics.

This weekend though we took care of the most important thing...new shoes!

Brusha brusha brusha...

2011-09-30T06:44:00.000-04:00

As part of our dealings with Pie's issues, our speech therapist suggested we get her an electric toothbrush. We're slowly trying to address some sensory stuff and this was the first step. Some days she loves it, other days not so much. Either way she looks super cute using it.

I'm going to tell you a secret...

2011-09-29T10:45:00.000-04:00

I am SO happy and beyond excited for my bloggy friends who have recently had babies, and those who are cooking some right now (Jackie and Emily, I'm looking at you). So happy and excited.

Okay...you probably guessed that wasn't the secret. The secret is that I'm also completely and totally, to the bottom of my soul, envious. And not just a little jealous. {hangs head in shame}

It's so petty. And I hate that I can't just be purely happy and excited. I makes me feel like a real jerk.

I think I have trouble with it because the part of infertility that I struggle with the most is the lack of control. We can't have a conversation about trying for another baby and then actually try to any happy result. We are at the mercy of others. And even more so at the mercy of our finances. We simply can't afford to pay an agency. And that really sucks.

Pie is the light of my life. My heart. The greatest thing I have ever done or will do is being her mom. So if she is destined to be an only child, she is an exceptional one to have. But that doesn't stop me from wanting her to have siblings, wanting to have more little feet running through my house.

I'm not sure I've ever fully finished grieving for the family I thought I would have. So I continue to struggle, and I continue to have stupid jealousies.

But I really an happy and excited for my friends. I can't wait for more squishy babies to be around. If there aren't more for me, I can't think of many more people I'd want it for than J and E.

Wordless Wednesday {Rooster Wrestling}

2011-09-28T06:47:00.000-04:00

That should teach that rooster to mouth off...

The Daily Pie

2011-09-27T11:06:00.000-04:00

I think I've talked about this before...but since I went back to work, my darling husband has taken a picture of Pie every day and sent them to me so I can see her while I'm away. He's been working forever on getting them all up on a website so that friends and family can have access too.

He finished last night and we've been marveling at how much our sweet girl has grown. Check it out...

@ 2 weeks...

@ 6 months...

@ 1 year...

@ 18 months...

@ 20 months (yesterday)...

Crazy right? I can't believe she'll be 2 in a few short months!!

Lions and tigers and panda bears...oh my

2011-09-26T06:15:00.000-04:00

Husband, Pie and I went on a big adventure to the zoo with Big Sister and her family. I think Pie and her cousin E were having a little trouble understanding that the animals were real. Pie would jump when the animals would move or make noises. I can't wait to take them back and see how they do.

This elephant really freaked Pie out. It was just hanging out having a snack, but scared her like crazy.

She was crazy excited in the bird house. Silly love kept trying to grab the birds foolish enough to come close to her.

And here she is looking at the giraffes....this was her face for just about all the animals though. She just couldn't figure out what was happening.

...and here are the giraffes. The darker one in front is the daddy. Sadly, I didn't get a good pic of the baby.

And here's the sweet baby panda. It was snacking and running and climbing. So cute. I could have spent the whole day watching.

And this little cutie was mesmorized!

Sometimes all a girl needs to feel better...

2011-09-22T06:57:00.000-04:00

...is a new pair of pink, fuzzy slippers...

OAR #29 {Favorite}

2011-09-21T10:08:00.000-04:00

As with all of these prompts you don't have to be involved in adoption to comment or ask questions. To see more answers, click over to Production, Not Reproduction's site here.

Prompt:
I thought it could be fun to do an open mic style roundtable. Our group is growing and a lot of us haven't "met" each other yet. So point us to a favorite post on your blog. It doesn't even need to be about adoption. And tell us a little bit about why you picked the one you did.

Response:I chose this post because although it doesn't get into adoption all that deeply, it does summarize my feelings about it...my feelings about my little girl.

Originally posted here 11/18/2010. It's all still true.

*******

I stare at her. And, yes, my mother did teach me it was rude. But I cannot help it.

I stare and try to memorize every curve of her face, every line, crease, patch of rosy skin. I stare and I see nothing of myself, nothing of Husband. There is not a trace of my mouth, not a hint of his eyes. There are no discussions about the hair color that was passed down from this grandmother or the funny toenail that came from that uncle. We don't know those things.

I stare and I see nothing of myself, nothing of Husband. I see her bio dad's face and her bio mom's coloring. I see all of her ethnicities shining through. They are not ethnicities that we share with her. They are hers and hers alone.

I stare and I see everything important of mine and everything important of Husband's. I see the crinkle in her nose when Husband makes her laugh. I see her hands and feet fling with joy when I come home from work. I see the trust, the peace, the love in her eyes. I see the reflection of my absolute adoration all over her face.

I stare and I see my daughter.

*******

Germs have invaded...

2011-09-20T06:47:00.001-04:00

...and Pie, Husband and I are fighting the good (albeit stuffy) fight. Regular programming will resume as soon as I can breathe through my nose again.

Flashback Friday {College}

2011-09-16T06:46:00.001-04:00

Yup...this is me in college. Just drink it in for a minute. Savor all of the 90s goodness captured here.

Giant hair, check. Big eyebrows, check. Overalls, embarassingly check. About a dozen earrings, got those too. Man I was a fashion plate.

Updated to new FF host...

Hope you all have a great weekend. Maybe go find yourself some overalls. I'm totally bringing them back...

xoxox

When goats attack

2011-09-15T06:31:00.002-04:00

My train of thought needs a new conductor...

2011-09-14T09:41:00.000-04:00

Let me set the scene for you...

Pie has been bathed, squished by Dada, had her milk, read her books and we're having a lovely little snuggle in her rocking chair before she goes down for the night....

ME (to myself): Whooo...someone is being a tooty monster. I've got a little dutch oven action happening here. (she was tooting and when she moved it would come out the neck of her pjs. right where I happened to be)

ME (also to myself): I wonder if it's called a dutch oven when it's a baby...

ME (continuing the self conversation): Probably not. I bet with babies it's a dutch easy bake oven.

...and scene....

Now I've warned you before that I have the sense of humor of a teenage boy, this is a perfect example. I laughed about this all night long. Every time I thought about it, I'd giggle...in fact it's still making me laugh.

I hope you will all stay with me through this terrible admission. Here goes...my name is Sara and I usually think toot jokes are funny...

20 Months

2011-09-13T10:10:00.000-04:00

My Darling Girl....

Yesterday you were 20 months old. 20! 20? Let's just think about that for a moment...there's a 2 in front of that number. You are a mere 4 months away from being 2 years old. How did this happen?! I swear it was just last week you were just a chunky little lump-o-baby.

Yes...I'm talking about you. You there, standing so sweetly in front of the blinds you have so lovingly destroyed since you became mobile. Slow down already, would ya?!

Despite my wishing you wouldn't do it so quickly, you are growing up. And this past month has been a doozy. You started speech therapy and started wearing your eye patches. The therapy is going really well so far and I'm so happy that's the decision we made. And the patches are okay, but you certainly know when it's time to take them off and don't tolerate them for much longer after that.

You are also coming into your crazy. You are a nutty, quirky, absolutely hilarious little girl. Not a day passes that you don't bring Dada and me to tears with some random shenanigans. You are a dyed in the wool goofball.

...you like to hang out in strange places...

...and sometimes you like to be a robot...or maybe a bird in a cage...we're not sure. Either way it cracks us up.

...and jumping is your scene. If you could jump all day long you would. And you're quite good at it if I do say so myself. But even the jumping makes us laugh. Every time you come across a new surface, you have to jump on it to check for bounciness. It's like your toddler version of putting everything in your mouth to learn about it...now you have to jump on everything....and I mean everything.

...and sometimes that jumping makes Mama's stomach drop...you are fearless.

...and yes, sweet Pie, that "hat" looks great on you.

Dada and I love you more than words can say, more than arms can squeeze, more than all the stars in the sky.

xoxox,

Mama

10 years ago but it seems like yesterday

2011-09-12T06:32:00.001-04:00

Can't think of anything to say beyond that we're thinking of everyone affected by this day...and to share some pictures I took a long time ago...

I can use a laugh. You?

2011-09-09T06:43:00.001-04:00

It's Friday...and despite being the end of a short week, I'm beat. So I thought you could maybe use a laugh. I know I can.

These are just a few of the things I have pinned on my Ha board in pinterest. If you want to check me out there just click the pretty red button...

{source}

{source}
If you happen to know the source of any of the uncredited pics, just let me know so credit can go where it's due.

Hope you all have an amazing weekend.

xoxo

Jump-a...Jump-a...Jump-a

2011-09-08T06:34:00.001-04:00

Over the holiday weekend we spent some time at Middle Sister's house. Her boys got a trampoline and the grown up boys were putting it together. Once it was (mostly) set up Pie had to give it a try...think she liked it? Also ignore the outfit, we were just about to get in the pool. Pie's not normally in the habit of rockin' it with no pants on...at least not in public.

PYHO {Adoption. Why is it your business?}

2011-09-07T09:38:00.001-04:00

Yup. Another adoption related Pour Your Heart Out with Shell at Things I Can't Say.

I was in a situation recently where I had to introduce myself, and I struggled to decide what to say. Hi I'm Sara, I'm married to my college sweetheart. I have an 19 month old daughter. Or should I have said a 19 month old daughter through open, domestic adoption? Why should I mention that part? Because I'm proud of the adoption? I am after all. Because I only think of my daughter as my adopted daughter? Not on your life. That kid is mine. Period. Because by mentioning it I might be able to provide some info to someone who hasn't had another source? Maybe.

I was lucky enough to have had my brother pave the adoption path for me. He was a resource (despite his adoptions being international and mine being domestic) about a lot of the basic process and general craziness that goes along with the paperwork, home studies, etc. But I know lots of people don't have a resource like that, so I almost feel like not mentioning it is removing a possible resource for others.

You never know what other people are going through, and you never know who may need help and not have anyone to turn to. I'm happy to talk about the adoption, both the good and bad. I'm happy to share my experiences with home studies, with paperwork, with judges. It's an overwhelming process not even taking into account the emotional or financial aspects. I have some knowledge, and I should share it right?

Here's the problem though. I don't ever, ever, ever (did I mention ever?) want my daughter to feel like my adopted daughter. She is my child. Period. End of story. Is she adopted? Yes. And we will never be anything other than completely transparent with her about that. But I don't want my willingness to share our story or help others to hurt her. At some point it really won't be my story to share as much as it will be our story. And when that time comes I fully intend to let her drive how much she wants to share with others. But until then...

Why is it always on a holiday?

2011-09-06T06:47:00.000-04:00

It never fails that some house issue pops up on a holiday when you can't get any help at all. And plumbing issues are the worst! Thankfully we had somebody nearby who had some mad plumbing skills...or maybe she just looked like she should...

Squeaky Boards

2011-09-01T06:47:00.000-04:00

Every night, every single night, long after sleep has carried you away to sweet baby dreams I sneak into your room. My steps have been choreographed over the days and weeks and months. I know exactly where to sway, when to dip, exactly where my steps need to land so that I don't hit a squeaky board and wake you.

Even in the hall outside your door I need to be careful...doors pushed closed pop if I walk to close, and those sneaky, squeaky boards lurk out there too. Every night I navigate my path and pause for just a second at your door to take a long breath. I don't want to take the chance that my breathing will disturb you.

Sometimes a quick peak is all I need. I just want to check on you. I want to know if your knees are tucked under you pushing your little bumper into the air, or if you are curled on your side with your feet crossed just so. I'm curious who has won your attention for the evening...is it Piggy or maybe Puppy or perhaps Dolly?

Other times I could linger endlessly. I could drink in every single detail. I memorize the way your pjs look, the way your hair has gone all wild in the night. I stare and file away all the little things that make you who you are today...who you are in this exact moment. I stay beyond the breath I took at the door. I'm forced to take another. And for the briefest of moments I am alive solely with the scent of you.

Most nights I have to force myself to leave. Force myself to be away from you until you wake again. But every single night I sneak in to your room. Every single night I polish my routine, getting more graceful with each practiced step. Every single night I must see you one more time, just once more, before I can give up the day.

Wordless-ish Wednesday {Mean Teeth}

2011-08-31T09:24:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you wake up late at night and your little mouth just hurts. The only cure is to snuggle with your puppy, your baby doll, your blankie, and your mama and watch Madagascar 2.

Say What?

2011-08-30T10:20:00.000-04:00

My darling girl has started speech therapy. I know lots of people think it's unnecessary this young. For her it's not.

At our 18 month well check, our pediatrician suggested we get Pie evaluated. She doesn't have many words and a handful of the words she did have are now gone. Luckily Middle Sister has a friend whose a speech therapist, and an amazing one at that.

We had Pie checked out and she has a pretty significant expressive delay. Her receptive language* is advanced and is somewhere around that of a 2 year old, but her expressive language** is similar to that of a one year old. Because there is such a disparity she is getting therapy. She's already made some advances thanks to the wonderful therapist, and can now tell you what a kitty cat says. It is the single cutest thing you've ever heard. I'll do my best to get it on tape.

So while we wait for her language skills to catch up to what's going on in her little head, I guess we'll just have to make do with facial expressions...

* Receptive language is the comprehension of language - listening and understanding what is communicated. Another way to view it is as the receiving aspect of language. {source}

** Expressive language is the ability to produce language in any of a number of different modalities such as speech, sign or writing. {source}

Choppin' Broccoli

2011-08-29T06:13:00.000-04:00

Lately we've had a bunch of stuff come up with Pie that I worry about (like her patch), but at least I never have to worry about her eating...

What? Do I have something on my face?

Flashback Friday {It would be hard to flashback much farther}

2011-08-26T06:41:00.000-04:00

I was looking for a good pic to use for Flashback Friday. I was thinking about something entertainingly horrible from my teen years. Instead I found this...

That, my friends, is chunky, baby me. And the gorgeous lady on the right is my mama. This is one of my favorite pictures of my mom and me. Every time I look at it I can feel the joy. The absolute love between us.

I really want to recreate this pic with my little Pie...but sadly, she's lost almost all of her chunk. I on the other hand, still have plenty of my chunk, so my mom and I could probably recreate it pretty closely. Of course some sort of harness would probably have to be involved...

Hope you all have a great weekend. I have my fingers crossed that during homework breaks I can get caught up with every body's latest.

xoxox

Heartbreak

2011-08-25T06:20:00.000-04:00

So this Masters that I started...it is probably (maybe, possibly) the best thing for our family in the long run, but right now? It sucks.

The program is a dual Master of Early Childhood Education and certification. So at the end I'll have the degree and will also be certified to teach Pre K-5 in Georgia. It'll be a big old pay cut, but the trade off is that I'll have great insurance for our family and will be on the same schedule as Pie when she starts school. In the meantime, I get to work full time, go to school full time and try to be a good mom.

Monday's class was the first time in her entire life that I haven't been there to put Pie to bed. I cried at school. She cried at home and called for me. Both our hearts broke. Not to mention poor Husband's heart who was stuck between to very unhappy girls trying to make them both feel better.

Tonight will be the same. Every Monday and Wednesday for the next year and a half I won't be there. Every Monday and Wednesday for the next year and a half I will miss even more of Pie's life than I already do being at work. Every Monday and Wednesday for the next year and a half she will look for me at bedtime, and call for me to hold her and give her kisses. Every Monday and Wednesday that is, until she doesn't look or call for me anymore because she knows I won't be there. And that will take my poor broken heart and smash it into a million even smaller pieces.

I know that I don't want to be away from her, I know it's not selfishness, I know that I feel as if I have no other choice...but she doesn't. All she knows is that mama isn't there. So every Monday and Wednesday for the next year and a half I will cry at school, I will miss my little girl, I will want to be with my family, and I will remind myself that it's for the best. I will remind myself that as hard as things are now, there will be a day when Pie won't remember my absence. There will be a day when she is simply proud of her mama for working so hard to make her family better.

Right?

Happy happy to my love

2011-08-24T06:29:00.004-04:00

Today is Husband's birthday. He's another year older and all he got was this stinkin' post. Heh...

Husband,

Happy to you! We love you all the way to the moon and back.

xoxox
Your girls

34 for 34 {Progress}

2011-08-23T06:54:00.002-04:00

We're a little over 2 months since my birthday and I'm actually making progress. It's crazy, but this list is actually kicking my butt into gear. I've already completed 8 things and failed at 1. Not bad if I do say so myself. Check it...

Update my blogroll
Read at least 5 books that have neither pictures, nor rhyming verses
Start getting to work earlier so I can leave earlier
Exercise more
~~Decide which Masters to start~~ DONE
~~Start Masters program~~ DONE
Sign Pie up for a dance class
~~Be more social with neighbors so Pie has kids to play with close by~~ DONE
Organize work/store area at home
Re-launch HMH
~~Start participating in The Red Dress Club prompts again~~ DONE
Get published in some non-internet publication
Finish some of the crafts that are sitting half done on my desk
Try bangs...eeekkkk
~~See a movie in the theater~~ DONE
Take my camera off auto
Have a proper date night with Husband
Organize Pie's closet
Finish guest room
~~Organize my Pinterest boards~~ DONE
Finish Pie's baby book
Make book for Pie's Bios
Help Husband organize his world domination plan
Become more active in the adoption community
Figure out the right way to take care of Pie's hair
Ride a bike again
~~Actually complete a craft/tutorial I have on my boards at Pinterest~~ DONE
~~Clean out the linen closet. I'm thinking space bags will be involved~~ DONE
Buy new, matching, towels
~~Ride the skywheel when we go to Myrtle Beach~~ FAIL
Finish Pie's coloring table and find a good place to put it
Rearrange furniture in bedroom
Plant bushes on cul-de-sac side of the house
Send friends/family more snail mail. Who doesn't like getting that?

I'm working on some update posts...but that whole Masters thing? Yeah, that started and after a full day of work I get to go to class from 6:00 to 11:30. I thought I was tired just working full-time and chasing Pie...I had no idea.

Ahoy Matey

2011-08-22T06:45:00.000-04:00

My darling girl is having some issues with her eyes and as a result she has to have her eyes patched a couple of hours a day for the next two months. On odd days it's her left eye and on even her right. Fingers crossed this will be enough to help her. Wanna guess how much she likes having the patch on...

Rough Pumpkins

2011-08-16T10:54:00.000-04:00

Lots going on...not all of it good. May be in and out a bit for the next few days.

xoxo

Stop it!

2011-08-15T06:26:00.001-04:00

Seriously kid. Stop growing up so fast. And stop showing mama up...it not nice to rub it in that you can walk better in those wedges than I can!

TRDC {Hot and Steamy}

2011-08-12T09:36:00.000-04:00

Assingment:
Let's get all steamy up in here and write about sex.

But you know us. There's a twist.

You can't write about the act. I don't want to read about any heaving bosoms or girded manhood (please tell me someone else giggled besides me).

There are so many other possibilities. And I hope you have fun finding them.

Limit is 600 words. It can be fiction or non-fiction. Come back here and link up Friday!!

Result:
Coming back into the room was like walking in to a sauna. It almost took his breath away; the heaviness in the air was palpable. He paused to clear his head a bit, and then his eyes landed on her. She was tangled in his sheets, a tantalizing bit of skin peeking out here and there. He could hear her deep, even breaths and see her mouth parted so slightly in the smudge of light brushed across her face.

He didn’t know how long he’d stood there watching her, but eventually he was pulled back into the bed’s gravity. He climbed into the tousled sheets beside her and offered the water he’d brought as she began to wake. She drank greedily from the bottle as if she’d never be sated. He could not take his eyes off of her. She was riveting, ravishing, and really here with him.

He was starting to wonder though, if he would have been better off leaving her asleep. Now that she was awake the heaviness in the air had been replaced by awkwardness. For two people who had spent the better part of the evening…and some of the morning…knowing each other really well, it was now as if they didn’t know each other at all.

*******

Well this was the start anyway. Then I got sucked into the So You Think You Can Dance finale...bendy, jumpy fools...I just can't look away :) Hopefully I'll get a chance to finish it up this weekend. Hope you all have a great one!

An excellent surprise

2011-08-11T09:37:00.000-04:00

When we went to the beach last month we took an old point and shoot camera with us. That way we could take it down to the beach and really didn't have to worry about it getting ruined. The pictures from it aren't great, but I didn't want to risk my good camera and the point and shoot was good enough to capture the memories.

Imagine my surprise when we got home and I downloaded the pictures. There, hiding on the camera, was Vintage Pie! Look at what a chunky little monkey she was!

PYHO {Adoption makes families...it breaks them too}

2011-08-10T06:24:00.001-04:00

Yup. Another adoption related Pour Your Heart Out with Shell at Things I Can't Say.

Last week I talked about how tricky adoption can be...how complicated it can get when your child is also someone else's child. This week I've been thinking about how adoption creates or adds to one family while separating another.

Adoption is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I am a mom because of adoption. I have a family that I thought would be nothing more than an all-consuming dream because of adoption. But of course, that's not the whole story. As elated as I am, there are others who are equally as heartbroken. Others who don't have the family that was possible because of adoption.

I tend to forget the other side of my shiny, pretty coin. The side that maybe doesn't shine as brightly. I tend to forget the people who grieve while I celebrate. And it's not just the bios. There are so many other people who were affected. For every sibling, parent, niece or nephew I have who loves my daughter and thinks her being a part of our family is the coolest, there is an equal and opposite reaction within the bio's families.

Without getting into too much of the detail, the bio families (on both sides) were against the adoption. Several people involved felt that if the bios were not parenting, then they should...that the baby should stay with the family. So in addition to losing a grandchild, or niece, or cousin there are people who also lost the possibility of raising my daughter. And they grieve for that loss.

Despite the fact that my daughter's biological parents were not ready for a child, and despite the fact that they are very happy with their decision...there is still hurt. No matter the reason people choose not to parent, no matter the events that lead to an adoption there is always going to be one family in utter bliss and one dealing with loss. Both sides of the coin will always be present.

Transformation

2011-08-09T06:25:00.002-04:00

Husband, in addition to be adorable, is one handy dude. He came across this 4-wheeler at Goodwill and thought Pie needed to have it. Because what 18 month old girl doesn't need a Spiderman 4-wheeler? I wasn't sure where he was headed with it, but for $12.21 it didn't matter much...

I had no idea he would be able to do this...

What's that? Shiny black paint? Real, working headlights? A crystal skull and crossbones? Why yes it is...

And that? A hot pink seat? Drilled out foot rests? Yup.

Pink hubcap centers? Metal studs on the wheels? You bet.

Matching hot pink buttons and a real speedometer? Those too.

It turned out fantastic, no? I'm so impressed and Pie is ready to show the boys in our neighborhood how it's done!

Pie's First Movie

2011-08-08T06:27:00.000-04:00

This weekend we took Pie to her first movie. We met Grammy and Poppy, Aunt K and cousin E at the theater to see...

We saw about 15-20 minutes of it and then Pie needed to move. Thankfully we found an empty theater right down the hall where we could listen to music and dance...

...run down the aisle...

...check out the seats...

...then we had to go back to Grammy and Poppy's for a cookie and some jumping on the ottoman...

What we saw of the movie was adorable, I can't wait to see the rest. And I'm sure you noticed the skirt in our super cute first movie outfit...yet another awesome hand-me-down from Icie and Emily. Love it!

TRDC {Retro}

2011-08-05T06:55:00.006-04:00

This week's assignment:
We thought it'd be fun for Friday's linkup to post your favorite Red Writing Hood post you've done. Some of you have had yours syndicated on BlogHer which is amazeballs! But maybe that's not even your favorite. Whatever one is, link it up here this Friday!

I'm not sure this is necessarily my favorite, but it made me laugh when I re-read it and I could use a laugh after this week.

The Result:
"Uhhh! They're finally asleep," Mary sighed as she flopped onto the couch. "I swear Henry would have had a gallon of water if I'd let him. He kept saying he was still thirsty. And Mags wanted to read every book she owns."

"Deep breaths, love. Deep breaths. This margarita should help too." Dan said as he joined her on the couch.

"Oh I knew there was a reason I loved you. What are we watching?"

"I don't think there's anything on, and nothing new on DVR. I guess let's check the On-Demand stuff."

"What channel does that start on?"

"I think 400 or maybe 450."

"Oh!" Mary said in surprise, "Hello adult content. Are you trying to tell me something?"

"Nooooo. But since we're here, let's just take a look."

"Well, Busty Booty Bus 2 looks like a real winner."

"We can't watch that one." Dan said quite seriously.

"Why not?"

"Because we didn't see the original Busty Booty Bus. So we won't know any of the backstory, or how the characters made the decision to ride the Busty Booty Bus. Or why the experience was so good that they felt compelled to ride it again."

"Good point," Mary said, "I mean, how could we possibly follow along. And, of course, there's the bigger issue of how involved the bus driver gets. I'm guessing he just occasionally glances in the mirror otherwise they'd never get anywhere...if you will."

"Maybe it's like a tour situation where there are pre-planned stops where the driver can get involved with the bustiness."

"Or the booty-ness depending on his preference."

"Of course. Maybe both if he's feeling frisky. But I think the more interesting question is whether or not Busty Booty Bus is the name of the bus line, or if it's like a certain tour that Greyhound offers."

"Clearly there are too many uncertainties for us to get involved with this movie. How about we watch Shrek Forever After instead."

"Yeah, that's uh...that's just as good."

Shannon: Take Two

2011-08-04T06:16:00.002-04:00

Shannon, from One Inch of Grace, is back today. And I had no idea how well this post would follow my PYHO from yesterday.

*******

Open Adoptions

My husband, J, and I adopted our three- and six-year-old children through the U.S. foster care system. When it comes to open adoptions, most people assume this only applies to domestic infant adoptions. But, I don’t see it this way. At this point, we certainly don’t have a relationship with our children’s first parents, but we are in touch with some other members of their first family. For this reason, I consider our adoption to be somewhat open. Our kids have monthly visits with their biological aunt, who also wanted to adopt our daughter, BE. Needless to say, our relationship was tenuous at first, but we were determined to follow the recommendation of our agency, which advised us to continue the relationship. But, after more than a year, our kids’ aunt has become a good friend. I am so thankful that we know her.

Our kids also have a half brother who lives about 30 minutes away. I’ve been in touch with their brother’s father (not their father) and have shared photos of the kids with them. So far, we haven’t had any visits, but I’m hoping that someday we will.

Our daughter, BE, often tells me that she has three sets of parents - us, their first parents, and their foster parents. Fortunately, their foster family lives only 20 minutes away and we’ve had a few visits with them since the adoption. This family has been fostering for nearly 20 years and they’ve told me that they rarely stay in touch with their foster children because the adoptive parents cut off all contact. This seems really tragic to me, and I hope this family will have a chance to see our children grow up. In fact, they’ve expressed the desire to become like a third set of grandparents.

I’ve always believed that given the situation, our kids need all the support and love they can get. Needless to say, I’m so thankful that they have so many people in their new family, and their previous families who love them and who can be a consistent presence in their lives.

In case you haven’t noticed, I’m completely in favor of open adoption. And, when the time is right, we hope our arrangement will include our children’s first parents too.

*******

You can read Shannon's first guest post about choosing adoption here. Thank you once again Shannon for sharing some of your story with us!

PYHO {Adoption is Tricky Business}

2011-08-03T06:05:00.002-04:00

...really tricky business.

There are families (first and adoptive) who will discuss the good, bad and ugly of adoption. There are others who will only talk about the rainbows and sunshine. I think I fall somewhere between the two, but certainly closer to the rainbows. And it's not fair. I have the opportunity to talk about anything. I have the possibility of shedding some light on questions people may be afraid or embarrassed to ask. I have the possibility of connecting with others who may share some of the same struggles with adoption that I do.

So I'm going to give that a try. I'll preface it by saying these things apply to my adoption alone and I would never attach the feelings, etc to any one else's situation.

Here goes...

I think open adoption is absolutely the best choice when at all possible. I also think open adoption can screw with you in stunning and unexpected ways. I want my daughter to know her family. Her whole family. That includes her first family. I want desperately for her to have access to them, to be able to form whatever relationship she wants with them, to hear directly from them what led to the adoption. I think beyond the medical info and other practicalities, my daughter being able to go directly to the source about the adoption (or any other questions she has) is priceless.

Deep breath here...I also have moments when I wish from the bottom of my soul that they were better people for my sweet girl. That they wouldn't do and say things that make me a little sick when I think about a time my daughter is old enough to spend time with them without Husband and I (if she chooses too).

And therein lies one of the many tricky pieces of adoption. Husband and I are her parents....but so are they. I feel like we should get to say that there are things we're not okay with her being around. But at the same time, how do you say to someone, who is the reason that you have a family at all, that they need to stop being...well...themselves?

...tricky business indeed.

No one can tell me it's not contagious

2011-08-02T06:32:00.000-04:00

I've been living with Husband for so long that I feel absolutely certain his ADD has rubbed off on me. I present the following evidence...

I rest my case.

Back in the saddle...well back near the saddle

2011-08-01T06:45:00.002-04:00

I have been trying to get back into the swing of things and have been getting closer.

The transition back into reality from vacation has been tough. Spending every minute of 10 days with Pie was heaven, and of course the reverse is true, only getting a little time with her every day has been brutal.

She is in a big-time mama phase (which I am loving) so she gets really upset when I leave in the morning and it breaks my heart. She calls for me during the day, looks for me...sometimes Husband will call me and I can hear her in the background, "mama...mama...my mama"

Getting back into the routine of leaving her and missing most of her day is distracting me, but I promise I'm working on it. Just hang in there with me and we'll be back to your regularly scheduled programming in no time.

xoxo

Down and Dirty

2011-07-29T06:20:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you just want to be in your pjs and play in the dirt...

Shannon: One Inch of Grace

2011-07-28T06:37:00.002-04:00

I'm so happy to have another guest here today. Shannon, from One Inch of Grace, is one of my adoption homies. Her family was created through the foster system and I'm honored that she is sharing part of her story here.

*******

Choosing Adoption

This is something that I’ve never discussed on my own site. To put it simply, my husband, J, and I chose adoption over pregnancy. I know the reverse is true for many people, even though they would never trade their adopted children for anything - even though their children are definitely not “a last resort.”

Most people have enough propriety not to ask us about our choices - but some don’t. They want to know about our infertility. But, as far as we know, this is not an issue for us. This is why, when we decided to adopt, we went the foster care route. Now, we’ve never been foster parents, but given our situation, we were determined to adopt older children.

Those who know about our choice, sometimes want to know about my “biological clock,” or what we would do if I got pregnant, since pregnancy always follows an adoption. To me, “what if” questions seem ridiculous, after all, who can predict the future? And, given our assumed ability to become pregnant, our children are deemed “lucky” to have been chosen by us. This is also nonsense. Although we’re going through a hard time right now, I have no doubt that in 20 years, I’ll be thanking them for making us even better. And, they are certainly not lucky - who counts losing one’s parents as something lucky?

Our family was formed by choice, that’s true - our choices, their first parents’ choices, but not our children’s choice. In an ideal world, we would never know each other, because children would never be neglected. We can only try our best today, and hope that someday, their first parents will be proud of the people they have become.

*******

Amazing right? I just think it's fantastic how many ways a family can be built and I love that Shannon shares hers with such honesty and grace...One Inch of Grace...if you will. Thanks Shannon!

Wordless-ish Wednesday {Gorgeous}

2011-07-27T06:33:00.002-04:00

Adorable skirt from Emily and Icie. You can see Pie opening the box it was in here, and read Emily's sweet guest post from while I was away here.

Unbelievable pictures from Maura Roberts Photography. Seriously...Georgia mamas...call her...it's the best money you'll ever spend!

And I don't feel even a tiny bit bad about saying this little girl is gorgeous because she is...and I can say so because I had nothing to do with it! :D