Stellar Moments in Parenting {Episode 1}

Sometimes things happen with your kids that are so awful, so embarrassing that you hope with all your might no one finds out. These things, were they happening to anyone else, would potentially make you tinkle a little from laughing so hard.

But when it's you, there's only bad parenting shame. So without question the only logical course of action is to post about it on your blog. I'm sacrificing my own good mothering name to entertain you. Without further ado, I bring you:

Let's say, hypothetically of course, that you're getting Pie...I mean your anonymous kid...ready for a bath. You strip them down so they can enjoy a little naked time while you run the water. All is going well. Little bums are shaking happily. Cabinets are being explored.

And then it happens. You turn your back to check the water temp. It's only for a second, but you hear a shriek, a thump, and the saddest crying ever. What happened? What's wrong? How did that water get on the floor?

You know where I'm going with this don't you. Yup, in a horrifying flash you realize that's not water. That's not water at all! Oh dear god...it's tinkle. Your poor child has tinkled on the floor, slipped in it, and fallen. Yeah...you'd feel good about that wouldn't you.

We did a dramatic reenactment last night for those of you who are visual learners...

First there was tinkle.

Then there was falling in the tinkle.
Important Note: No bumpers or tinkle (well tinkle substitute in the form of yellow tissue paper) were harmed in the documenting of this incident.

Wordless Wednesday {Cake}

...now with more words!


Shortly after Pie's birthday we did a cake smash photo shoot with the beyond amazingly talented Maura of Maura Roberts Photography. Here's just a tiny sample...mmmm...cake!

Well damn

I don't know where it came from, but all of a sudden I'm completely certain of something. A disturbing something. I am old. I know, I know...it's shocking...but it's true. I present you with the following disheartening evidence:

1. Pie loves music. I mean LOVES it. So we listen to music a lot. Every once in a while I'll turn on VH1 and we'll watch videos since Pie also likes to dance and watch dancing. This weekend we watched for about an hour, and for every band/artist I knew, there were ten that I didn't. VH1 people...not even MTV...I mean what the hell are Sick Puppies?
2. I almost never, NEVER get carded anymore. Unless I'm at one of those 'we card everyone' places, people know I'm over 21.
3. I have fully crossed over into parental hypocrisy. I can say with a straight face, "I don't want Pie eating that crap" (which could apply to just about anything non-organic or junky) while I dominate a bag of Black and White trail Mix from Target. And of course by dominate I mean pick out all the chocolate/yogurt covered peanuts and raisins and leave everything else in the bag.
4. I am now only referred to as Ma'am by grocery store workers and Target staff. I never get a, "Hey, can I help you?" it's always a very respectful, "Hello ma'am, can I help you find something?" What? Are they afraid I'm going to break a hip or something?
5. I have a friend who is single and dating and when I hear about it, all I can think is, "Eh, thank god that's not me" or, "Those crazy kids and their interwebs dating, it's madness!"
6. The phrase. "I'm too old for this sh*t" is heard around our house on a daily basis.
7. Telling people that I don't know what I want to be when I grow up has crossed over from cute and ironic when I said it as a 20 year old, to being...well...incredibly sad at 33.
8. I make active decisions about things like chimney cleaning and termite control.
9. Conversations with friends are much more likely to be about baby poop than the hot guy who just moved in next door.
10. Speaking of hot dudes...I'm WAY more turned on by a guy who is an awesome dad, than one who has awesome buns. Now, if they have both attributes, I'm in heaven.

What about you guys? Anything lately that has driven home your age?

Facebook and Twitter Questions

Okay so I have a confession. I have no interest in being on Facebook or Twitter. I know, I know...it's shocking right? Facebook...well if I wanted to be in touch with people from my past, I would be. And Twitter? I just don't think I have that much to say. So I am the one. The seemingly last person on earth to have neither Facebook nor Twitter accounts.

However...I think both are important to have for Home Made Happy to drive business, announce new products and deals, etc. This is where you guys come in. I have no idea how to do that. {hangs head in techno shame}

I simply have no clue how to to use these tools to their fullest. I understand the mechanics...how to tweet and how to post...I just don't know how to approach it. How do I get the info out there and get people excited without being obnoxious?

So I'm looking to you my clever bloggy friends. Especially those of you with shops...I can think of several off the top of my head...how do I make it work?

Paper Mama's Valentines Photo Challenge!

Three posts in one day...it's madness. But I couldn't let this challenge pass me by!!

And here's my entry. That girl just cracks me up!

{click to enlarge}

HMH Winners

Sorry for the delay guys. I had a bunch of meetings this morning. But without further ado...the Home Made Happy Winners!!!

I'll be emailing all of you lucky winners today to find out what goodies you want. CONGRATS!!!

And for everyone else, I want to offer a big old discount, but have no idea how to do that in PayPal. If someone could tell me, then I'll get that set up ASAP.

TRDC - Joy and Pain

This week's assignment:
The premise of the contest is to write a piece of flash fiction - it should be no more than 600 words and should take no longer than 3 minutes to read aloud. And the requirement for this particular one is a character MUST tell a joke and a character MUST cry. One character can do both.

The Result:
Maggie had a thousand errands to do. Just thinking about them all made her a little bit sick. And she knew with 3 year old Ben in tow, it would take...oh about eleventy billion times longer. They had been sitting in traffic for about 20 minutes. And with each second that passed, Maggie felt even more overwhelmed. She never had enough time.

As she raced through the list over and over again trying to make sure she didn't forget anything, Ben chattered non-stop in the back seat. He needed very little encouragement to keep his side of the conversation going. An occasional, "mmhhmm" or "yup" from Maggie, and he was off and running again.

Maggie had become a master at tuning out the running commentary. There always seemed to be something more pressing, more important, just more. She happened to glance in the rearview mirror and caught sight of Ben. And she saw him. Really saw him. Slowly at first, then faster and faster, big, fat tears rolled down her cheeks. All she had ever wanted was to be a mother and now she was letting things like the dry cleaning and getting the right pitcher for her Bunco party overshadow her sweet little boy.

She inched her way to the side of the road, turned the car off and let the tears come. How had she gotten to the point that she took Ben for granted? How could she have let all these silly tasks become more important? Maggie thought she may never stop crying.

“Mama? Mama? MAMA!”

“Yes love, I’m sorry. Mama is just…”

“Mama? Guess what? Knock, knock”

“Knock, knock? Ummm…who’s there?”

“POOP!”

And then Ben exploded in laughter. The absolute joy rolled off him in waves. Maggie sat very still for a minute, and then she giggled. And then she chuckled. And then she roared with laughter. Just she and her amazing Ben on the side of the road gasping for breath, it was exactly what she’d always wanted.