Brusha brusha brusha...

As part of our dealings with Pie's issues, our speech therapist suggested we get her an electric toothbrush. We're slowly trying to address some sensory stuff and this was the first step. Some days she loves it, other days not so much. Either way she looks super cute using it.

I'm going to tell you a secret...

I am SO happy and beyond excited for my bloggy friends who have recently had babies, and those who are cooking some right now (Jackie and Emily, I'm looking at you). So happy and excited.

Okay...you probably guessed that wasn't the secret. The secret is that I'm also completely and totally, to the bottom of my soul, envious. And not just a little jealous. {hangs head in shame}

It's so petty. And I hate that I can't just be purely happy and excited. I makes me feel like a real jerk.

I think I have trouble with it because the part of infertility that I struggle with the most is the lack of control. We can't have a conversation about trying for another baby and then actually try to any happy result. We are at the mercy of others. And even more so at the mercy of our finances. We simply can't afford to pay an agency. And that really sucks.

Pie is the light of my life. My heart. The greatest thing I have ever done or will do is being her mom. So if she is destined to be an only child, she is an exceptional one to have. But that doesn't stop me from wanting her to have siblings, wanting to have more little feet running through my house.

I'm not sure I've ever fully finished grieving for the family I thought I would have. So I continue to struggle, and I continue to have stupid jealousies.

But I really an happy and excited for my friends. I can't wait for more squishy babies to be around. If there aren't more for me, I can't think of many more people I'd want it for than J and E.

Wordless Wednesday {Rooster Wrestling}

That should teach that rooster to mouth off...

The Daily Pie

I think I've talked about this before...but since I went back to work, my darling husband has taken a picture of Pie every day and sent them to me so I can see her while I'm away. He's been working forever on getting them all up on a website so that friends and family can have access too.

He finished last night and we've been marveling at how much our sweet girl has grown. Check it out...

@ 2 weeks...

@ 6 months... 

@ 1 year... 

@ 18 months... 

@ 20 months (yesterday)... 

Crazy right? I can't believe she'll be 2 in a few short months!!

Lions and tigers and panda bears...oh my

Husband, Pie and I went on a big adventure to the zoo with Big Sister and her family. I think Pie and her cousin E were having a little trouble understanding that the animals were real. Pie would jump when the animals would move or make noises. I can't wait to take them back and see how they do.

This elephant really freaked Pie out. It was just hanging out having a snack, but scared her like crazy.

She was crazy excited in the bird house. Silly love kept trying to grab the birds foolish enough to come close to her. 

And here she is looking at the giraffes....this was her face for just about all the animals though. She just couldn't figure out what was happening.

...and here are the giraffes. The darker one in front is the daddy. Sadly, I didn't get a good pic of the baby. 

And here's the sweet baby panda. It was snacking and running and climbing. So cute. I could have spent the whole day watching.

And this little cutie was mesmorized! 

Sometimes all a girl needs to feel better...

...is a new pair of pink, fuzzy slippers...

OAR #29 {Favorite}

As with all of these prompts you don't have to be involved in adoption to comment or ask questions. To see more answers, click over to Production, Not Reproduction's site here.

Prompt:
I thought it could be fun to do an open mic style roundtable. Our group is growing and a lot of us haven't "met" each other yet. So point us to a favorite post on your blog. It doesn't even need to be about adoption. And tell us a little bit about why you picked the one you did.

Response:I chose this post because although it doesn't get into adoption all that deeply, it does summarize my feelings about it...my feelings about my little girl.

Originally posted here 11/18/2010. It's all still true.

*******

I stare at her. And, yes, my mother did teach me it was rude. But I cannot help it.

I stare and try to memorize every curve of her face, every line, crease, patch of rosy skin. I stare and I see nothing of myself, nothing of Husband. There is not a trace of my mouth, not a hint of his eyes. There are no discussions about the hair color that was passed down from this grandmother or the funny toenail that came from that uncle. We don't know those things.


I stare and I see nothing of myself, nothing of Husband. I see her bio dad's face and her bio mom's coloring. I see all of her ethnicities shining through. They are not ethnicities that we share with her. They are hers and hers alone.


I stare and I see everything important of mine and everything important of Husband's. I see the crinkle in her nose when Husband makes her laugh. I see her hands and feet fling with joy when I come home from work. I see the trust, the peace, the love in her eyes. I see the reflection of my absolute adoration all over her face.


I stare and I see my daughter.

*******