May 30, 2012

Wordless Wednesday {Swings Rule}

May 29, 2012

New Friends

So there we are playing in the backyard, dumping things into our water bucket...

So that it eventually looks like this... 

Finding rocks that will automatically become precious treasures...

Playing a little one-on-one...

When we notice something new on our fence post...

So we crept up a little closer to investigate...

And discovered some beautiful new friends waiting to come out and play.
Pie is so excited about the "birdies...peep-peep" at our house, and can't wait to see what happens. I'm sort of excited about it too.

May 23, 2012

Wordless Wednesday {Little Drummer Girl}

Yup that's my girl rockin' out with the bass drum, regular drums, and cybal. And don't forget the big finish with the drumsticks in the air.

May 21, 2012

I just don't know what to say

I love participating in the Open Adoption Bloggers Roundtable questions. I love that they really make me think about adoption. They push me and connect me to others involved in adoption. Heather has created an amazing space there (and another one on her personal blog Production, Not Reproduction). About two weeks ago a new question came out. It was:

Write to someone else in the adoption constellation (someone specific or a general group). What do you want to say to them on Mother’s Day?

I must have started the post a hundred times in my head, mulling the words over and over. Deciding if I really meant what I was thinking, or if it was simply what I thought I should be thinking. I struggled with it so much I never linked up, but I thought I should give it one more try.

I intended to write a letter to Pie's birth mother. I intended to tell her what she has done for my life, that she is the reason I get to celebrate Mother's Day. I intended to tell her lots of lovely and heartfelt things, but...

But every time I sat down to type, all that came into my head was anger. Recently we've discovered some more things that Pie will have to deal with thanks to her difficult pregnancy. And I know she will be fine with the right help, and I know that whatever we come up against it will be okay. However, it could have been avoided.

Her birth mother could have taken better care of herself, not had the Dr. Pepper everyday, or eaten nothing but Taco Bell. She could have skipped changing the kitty litter and gotten more consistent prenatal care. And she most certainly could have skipped doing drugs every. single. day.

And while most of the time it's not something I think about, as we discover more things it affected the angrier it makes me. She's out in the world telling people her baby was perfect and the drugs didn't have any negative effects and that's simply not true. And it makes me a little stabby. Like seriously wanting to ready a shank to hide in my big hair the next time they come visit.

All of the wonderful things that are absolutely true are being overshadowed by my desire to shake her and call her an idiot. I want her to know she did damage. I want her not to make the same mistakes again should she decide to have other children. I want her answer to Pie about why she has these issues to not be because the drugs were more important.

I want all those things, but I know she won't listen. I know she's not at a place where she can hear it. I want to get back to a place where I can think the lovely and wonderful things and not have them tinged with the need to lash out. But I'm not at a place right now where I can do it.

May 17, 2012

My perfect may not be yours

You see this little girl? She is perfect. From the tips of her little sausage toes to the top of her springy curls. Perfect.

She is a full-blown two year old. She is testing every boundary, pushing every button, and stretching every limit. She is demanding one minute and the sweetest little love the next. She is becoming quite familiar with time out and with asking for snuggles. She is perfect.

She has been in speech therapy for almost a year. She has made amazing strides. She still has a long way to go. It's incredibly frustrating for her to know what she wants to say and not be able to do it in a way that we can always understand. She is perfect.

We recently had her evaluated for some worrisome things that we were seeing. She has some sensory processing issues and self-regulation issues. She will need some short-term occupational therapy and possibly more intensive play therapy. She is perfect.

The older she gets the more we see the effects of her difficult and drug-exposed pregnancy. The more milestones she approaches, the more we notice that she sometimes has a different path to them than expected. And that she sometimes needs help to get there. The older she gets who knows what else we'll have to face. But whatever it is, she will always be perfect to me.

May 11, 2012

The one where I no longer have a good attitude

This sucks. Straight up.

I went to the doctor yesterday and was told it will be at least another two months before corrective actions can be taken for my vision. TWO EFFING MONTHS. Two @#%&*) months.

And that's not for sure. It's just the next time they think it's worth checking. I'm officially pissed.

I think that's about all I've got for the least all that's fit to publish.

May 4, 2012

When it rains it pours

...and sometimes you have to say forget the rain and jump in muddy puddles.

Non-update update - nothing new to report, but I have another appointment with a new doctor next Thursday so fingers crossed something will come from that.