I'm blog swapping with Ericka at Alabaster Cow. Her site is hilarious and honest and if you aren't following her I don't think we can be friends anymore...I'm just kidding...but seriously I'm not. Go follow her now!
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PENANCE
when i was ten my dad left me at church.
you'd think that was a real punch in the gut especially after having to listen to a sermon that involved cartoons in no way, shape or form but in all honesty, it didn't bother me. my dad is lucky if he remembers to wear pants. thank god my mom does a quick double check before he leaves the house.
when my friends' parents yelled out "hey mel, think you forgot something!", he patted at his shirt and pants and when he retrieved his keys, he scrunched his face in a "you guys! my keys are right here you silly bunch!" kind of way. and then he saw me, standing by the pillar with the penny. the penny was encased in mortar between the bricks in the pillar. i used to scratch at lincoln's face wondering how long it would take me to pocket the coin and then...well, i never really got that far in my penny fantasy. i was too concerned with the worry knotting my intestines at the fact that my dad was doing his own version of ditching a flaming bag of poo on a doorstep except the doorstep was church and the poo was me.
my dad and i are cool now. i mean he's like one of my best buds and all.but i've made sure to mention his abandonment plenty of times since then.
"do you want another pork chop?" "i dunno, you going to leave me at church again?"
"a d?? on your math test??" "i'm sorry but i started reliving that time you left me at church and i panicked."
"hey jeopardy's on." "what is you left me at church?"
it's been a pretty decent go-to joke in my repertoire and i've had no complaints. i think i've done a great job sending my dad on a major guilt trip and for that i've been pretty proud of myself. that is, until i gave birth to this:
now the joke's on me.
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Ericka kills me every time she writes. Her posts are always funny or insightful or filled with the raw honesty most of us don't have the stones to put out there. Plus look at the gorgeous little lovie! I am beyond proud to be swapping with her and even more so that she thought I was worthy of it.
9 comments:
This one kills me:
"hey jeopardy's on." "what is you left me at church?"
Nice to meet you through Ericka. I look forward to reading more.
thanks so much for this sara!!
I'm following Ericka now, promise. We're still friends, right?! ;)
I'm back again. I just read the "Not so short story" and I was in stitches. Granted, I had to take a few breaks, because it really was not so short, but I just had to finish reading it. Off to visit more of your blog now :)
Funny stuff!! I have a guilt trip line with my mom too. I still use it to this day.
And I just posted a pic of Hudson doing the same thing with toilet paper the other day. What is the obsession with toilet paper?!?!
I am crackin up laughing! I am a new follower from Alabastercow. So nice to meet you!
lol thank you guys! glad you enjoyed the post and glad to see new followers!! :)
I LOVE this one: "hey jeopardy's on." "what is you left me at church?"---for 400, ha ha! Your daughter is soo adorable, especially dragging that TP around the house!!
I love how you hold that card to play whenever you need it.
Awesome!
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