Unofficial Mom: PYHO: Struggling

January 19, 2011

PYHO: Struggling

I work. I have to work. I know I've talked about it before, but lately...lately it's gotten worse. I leave the house and work, 5 days a week. 5 full work days. Add to that my nearly 2 hour round-trip commute and I'm gone for the majority of Pie's day. If I'm lucky I get home for dinner, a little play and bed. But, god forbid, I have to stop on my way home and do anything crazy like get gas or run into the store, then I get home in time for bed. It sucks. Hard.

As Pie gets older, it is getting even harder. When she was a baby, I missed her and she was mostly a lump-o-baby. Now I miss her, and she misses me back (sometimes). She wants me (sometimes). She knows I'm gone and she's not happy about it. And depending on how unhappy she is about it, she punishes me. She wants to make sure I know she doesn't like it. Believe me baby, I don't like it either.

At this age she is changing so much, learning so much. And I'm missing it. I missing it for a job that I'm not passionate about. But I am missing it to keep a roof over her head. It's a necessary evil, but that doesn't make it hurt less. I don't know how many more days I can cry in the car, the bathroom, my office because my heart breaks every single time I have to leave her.

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Angie · 747 weeks ago

My sister can totally relate. I think what makes it worse for her is that her little boy (now 15 mo old) will call me "Mom" since I watch him 3 days a week and he hears my kids calling me mom all day.

((hugs))

1 reply · active 747 weeks ago

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AJ O · 747 weeks ago

Oh my, I think that would break my heart.

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Christina · 747 weeks ago

UGH! I'm not going to say anything profound because nothing I say will make it suck any less, but I will say I COMPLETELY understand! UGH!! :(

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Aunt Crazy · 747 weeks ago

I'm here from Shell's place. I want to say, I've been exactly where you are. My kids are now 17 and 14. I still work. It was so hard when they were little, but I had to change MY mindset about being a working mom. I know that I'm not capable of being a stay at home mom and we need the money and benefits my job brings because my husband is self-employed, so not working has never been an option for me, for a variety of reasons. My advice is to think about the time you do have, relish every moment, make those times with Pie even more precious than you already do.

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Aunt Crazy · 747 weeks ago

cont from above...A positive change in your attitude and body language will bring about a positive change in Pie's body language. I'm new to your blog, so I don't know anything but have you considered a daycare close to your work so that you can visit Pie at lunch time, so that y'all can have visiting time during the commute to and from? We live in a rural area and I've always worked far and we always chose to keep our kids in daycare close to home, so I never had the chance to spend time with them during my commute and at lunch time, but I know a lot of moms that do.

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Aunt Crazy · 747 weeks ago

cont again LOL...Another suggestion is, if you have vacation time, take them a day or two at a time, make a long weekend for the two of you, lounge at home just hanging out, visit a local park, the zoo, whatever. I used to do that and we always loved those days. Most importantly, you have to try not to beat yourself up over a situation you can't change. You have to work, so try to find a way to make that guilt go away. GOOD LUCK!!!

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finally Mom · 747 weeks ago

:(((( I hear you sistah. Is there any chance you can change your hours a bit? For example, I have to get up before... anyone (430) in order to get myself and Lovie ready and out the door by 6 so that I can drop her off and to work by 7 BUT I get to leave work at 315 then and home before 5 with Lovie to play play play. It still sucks but at least we're guaranteed at least a couple hours a day together. I'm sorry. I wish there was something more I can say to help you feel better- just know that you're not alone.

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Shell · 747 weeks ago

Aunt Crazy rocks. :)

Anyway: you are doing what you have to do to take care of your child. You are being an amazing mom. Hang in there.

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Jen · 747 weeks ago

This such a hard thing. I am trying to think of something to say to make you feel better but I can't. Sorry.

Hugs.

Stopped over from Shell's place.

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Tiffany · 747 weeks ago

You are so not alone and being a parent is the most rewarding job EVER even when we have to be adults to make the best choices for our family. I hope you can find a happy middle.

Following from Shell's Place.

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JMJE · 747 weeks ago

I think you are really great for being a working mom. That is one of the things that freaks me out about having kids. I don't know if I could be a mom and work (even though that might be necessary). But you are doing what's good for her.

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LittleBitLife 20p · 747 weeks ago

I just had my first and I am totally dreading the idea of going back to work. I keep hoping I will win the lottery or something before that time comes!

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feliz4life 33p · 747 weeks ago

I may not be working (yet) but i feel you.....it sucks that we as women have to sacrifice mommy time to provide for them. but ur a good mom who loves her child, and in the end-that is what she will remember. ((((BIG HUGS))))

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Michelle Pixie · 747 weeks ago

Oh Sara! The mommy guilt sucks! We all have it and I only hope we can learn to not let it consume us, I have yet to master that and I am almost into it 10 years now. XXOO

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Random Blogette · 747 weeks ago

I so have the mommy guilt too and I don't even have that commute. I just wish that I didn't have to work so that I could take my kids to school in the morning and be there when they come home too. I know it is hard but she loves you and she will understand that you are doing this to better her life. *HUGS*

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Megan · 747 weeks ago

I can totally relate. It's hard. It's really hard. I don't know what to say except I've been there and I get it. Hugs to you.

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AJ O · 747 weeks ago

While I hate that I have to go to work, this is the very reason I get about 6 hours sleep tops a night. I work the evening shift and get home and to bed around midnight. Then on school days I am up at 6am to spend some before school time with DD (9yo) while she gets ready for school. And the rest of my morning is spent with DS (2yo tomorrow!). This way DH and I split our time with him pretty closely as he is napping from noon to threeish then Dad gets him down for the night around 8. I know DD would love more Mom time but I do get everyother weekend off and try to do things with her then.

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