May 11, 2011

PYHO {Pulling the Trigger}

I, well we as a family, are in a strange place. I know that there are only a few more years that I can/will be working at my current job. So I have some time to get ready for the transition. But what do I do?

Do I look into training for something that will replace my current income? All of those jobs, while interesting, aren't anything I'm overly excited about pursuing. Or do I start down the road of something that I may enjoy, but that comes with a much lesser salary? I could only do that if I knew that Husband would be working again to make up that missing income. But...

But that's going on the assumption that we don't have any more children. If we did have more, then Husband would be at home and I'd need to pursue the money as opposed to something I enjoyed. That's an awfully big but. Pie was a shock, a miracle, a complete aligning of planets. I don't know that something that amazing will ever happen again (though I go to sleep every night hoping).

So how do I pull the trigger on a decision now, that depends on future things I have no way of knowing? And beyond that, how do I make a decision to do another thing I don't love, to sign up for another who knows how many years of just trying to get through the day? How do I pick another job that keeps me from my family, and gives me nothing in return beyond the money?

Being a grown up really bites sometimes.