August 3, 2011

PYHO {Adoption is Tricky Business}

...really tricky business.

There are families (first and adoptive) who will discuss the good, bad and ugly of adoption. There are others who will only talk about the rainbows and sunshine. I think I fall somewhere between the two, but certainly closer to the rainbows. And it's not fair. I have the opportunity to talk about anything. I have the possibility of shedding some light on questions people may be afraid or embarrassed to ask. I have the possibility of connecting with others who may share some of the same struggles with adoption that I do.

So I'm going to give that a try. I'll preface it by saying these things apply to my adoption alone and I would never attach the feelings, etc to any one else's situation.

Here goes...

I think open adoption is absolutely the best choice when at all possible. I also think open adoption can screw with you in stunning and unexpected ways. I want my daughter to know her family. Her whole family. That includes her first family. I want desperately for her to have access to them, to be able to form whatever relationship she wants with them, to hear directly from them what led to the adoption. I think beyond the medical info and other practicalities, my daughter being able to go directly to the source about the adoption (or any other questions she has) is priceless.

Deep breath here...I also have moments when I wish from the bottom of my soul that they were better people for my sweet girl. That they wouldn't do and say things that make me a little sick when I think about a time my daughter is old enough to spend time with them without Husband and I (if she chooses too).

And therein lies one of the many tricky pieces of adoption. Husband and I are her parents....but so are they. I feel like we should get to say that there are things we're not okay with her being around. But at the same time, how do you say to someone, who is the reason that you have a family at all, that they need to stop being...well...themselves?

...tricky business indeed.