September 7, 2011

PYHO {Adoption. Why is it your business?}

Yup. Another adoption related Pour Your Heart Out with Shell at Things I Can't Say.

I was in a situation recently where I had to introduce myself, and I struggled to decide what to say. Hi I'm Sara, I'm married to my college sweetheart. I have an 19 month old daughter. Or should I have said a 19 month old daughter through open, domestic adoption? Why should I mention that part? Because I'm proud of the adoption? I am after all. Because I only think of my daughter as my adopted daughter? Not on your life. That kid is mine. Period. Because by mentioning it I might be able to provide some info to someone who hasn't had another source? Maybe.

I was lucky enough to have had my brother pave the adoption path for me. He was a resource (despite his adoptions being international and mine being domestic) about a lot of the basic process and general craziness that goes along with the paperwork, home studies, etc. But I know lots of people don't have a resource like that, so I almost feel like not mentioning it is removing a possible resource for others.

You never know what other people are going through, and you never know who may need help and not have anyone to turn to. I'm happy to talk about the adoption, both the good and bad. I'm happy to share my experiences with home studies, with paperwork, with judges. It's an overwhelming process not even taking into account the emotional or financial aspects. I have some knowledge, and I should share it right?

Here's the problem though. I don't ever, ever, ever (did I mention ever?) want my daughter to feel like my adopted daughter. She is my child. Period. End of story. Is she adopted? Yes. And we will never be anything other than completely transparent with her about that. But I don't want my willingness to share our story or help others to hurt her. At some point it really won't be my story to share as much as it will be our story. And when that time comes I fully intend to let her drive how much she wants to share with others. But until then...