I've got millions of them. In fact my entire school career, until I went back as an adult to finish my Bachelor's, was one never-ending moment. I can't even count the number of times I got into trouble because my teacher thought I was coasting by, or my parents felt I was doing the bare minimum. The truth is...I was. I always figured if I did well enough not trying, why kill myself to do slightly better?
Granted that was all when I was a kid and knew everything. And certainly knew more than the grown-ups in my life. :) Ahhh, sweet, stupid youth.
But as I got older, I realized that was a cop out. I really didn't try very hard. I really wasn't working at my full potential, and I wanted to change that about myself. So I started trying. And yes, it was a lot more work. And yes, it made me more vulnerable to failure. But it was good.
I strive to be good at the things I choose to spend my time doing. I hope that I'm a good daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend, student, employee...I really try to be.
But lately...I'm back to coasting by. And the thing that kills me is that there's nothing I can do about it. My eyes are shot. They hurt all the time. If I use them a lot, it gives me a crazy headache, and often makes me throw up. And it's affecting every. single. part. of. my. life.
I'm a terrible employee, a lackluster student, an absentee wife, a sideline mom. I haven't been to any one's blog to see how they are, and I'm barely here on my own blog. All of those things hurt. And each one makes this whole situation a little worse each day.
Just know that I really do miss you guys, and I keep trying to get better.
I'm still hoping that's possible...
