Unofficial Mom: I Can Do Better....Can't I?

June 6, 2012

I Can Do Better....Can't I?

My life is full of "those" moments. You know the ones where teachers, bosses, parents say that you aren't living up to your potential?

I've got millions of them. In fact my entire school career, until I went back as an adult to finish my Bachelor's, was one never-ending moment. I can't even count the number of times I got into trouble because my teacher thought I was coasting by, or my parents felt I was doing the bare minimum. The truth is...I was. I always figured if I did well enough not trying, why kill myself to do slightly better?

Granted that was all when I was a kid and knew everything. And certainly knew more than the grown-ups in my life. :) Ahhh, sweet, stupid youth.

But as I got older, I realized that was a cop out. I really didn't try very hard. I really wasn't working at my full potential, and I wanted to change that about myself. So I started trying. And yes, it was a lot more work. And yes, it made me more vulnerable to failure. But it was good.

I strive to be good at the things I choose to spend my time doing. I hope that I'm a good daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend, student, employee...I really try to be.

But lately...I'm back to coasting by. And the thing that kills me is that there's nothing I can do about it. My eyes are shot. They hurt all the time. If I use them a lot, it gives me a crazy headache, and often makes me throw up. And it's affecting every. single. part. of. my. life.

I'm a terrible employee, a lackluster student, an absentee wife, a sideline mom. I haven't been to any one's blog to see how they are, and I'm barely here on my own blog. All of those things hurt. And each one makes this whole situation a little worse each day.

Just know that I really do miss you guys, and I keep trying to get better.

I'm still hoping that's possible...

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swistle 57p · 668 weeks ago

I do think it's good to try to be better at important things (working for Best I Can Possibly Be makes me start losing my mind, but better is good), but I also think that when a player is injured, it's understandable that he or she needs to get out of the game for awhile to recover. Otherwise it's like a baseball player with a broken pitching arm trying to work to improve her pitch: better to wait until things are healed, then work up to "back to normal," THEN go back to working on improvement/bettering. I think of "working on being better" as what we work on when everything is steady, and "working on healing / getting back to normal" as what we do at other times (new baby, family crisis, job loss, injury, illness).

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I am · 667 weeks ago

Brushing aside all other things so you stare at the monitor a little less -

Health problems - if what you're dealing with is at all related to what I've encountered, I may have a home remedy worth trying out.

When you're eyes hurt, before nausea sets in, whip up this drink. It boils for fifteen minutes (that's important) before it's ready to drink.

2 Tbsp dried mung beans
1 Tbsp white rice
1 Tbsp brown sugar
(2 - 3 pieces dried licorice root if you have it)
(1 Tbsp dry fried gojji berries [cook until orange and brown, not black] if you have them)

Combine with a large coffee mug's worth of water and boil for fifteen minutes. Strain and drink. Sounds nuts, but it's a life saver. Also, a hot wash cloth with some dried peppermint leaves used as a hot compress on your eyes may help.

Finally, if nausea is starting and there's no other fix that works for you, try steaming and pureeing a banana peel. Mix it into a smoothie if you like (really brings out the banana flavor), or just have the peel with water. Again, sounds weird, but if you're dealing with what I think you are, these will stop it dead in its tracks. Take care of yourself. I hope you feel better soon.