April 19, 2010

Heart = broken

Pie slept in her own room for the first time last night, well part of the night anyway. And holy crap how I cried. Husband did to, but in a very manly, "I just lost several digits in a home improvement project gone wrong" kind of way.

I present to you this modern day tragedy in three parts.

Husband and I spent most of Pie's nap times yesterday working on her room. We got her so quickly that we didn't have time to do anything prior to her arrival. So the room has been a work in progress ever since. And by midday yesterday, we finally had it settled. It was time for the big move. Pie is getting too big for her bassinet. There was no choice.

At bedtime we took Pie into her room, fed her, and then laid her in her crib. She looked at me with great confusion. We calmed her and then snuck from the room. Within minutes she was screaming bloody murder. We were pacing teary-eyed in the hall. We went back in to sooth her again, and upon seeing us she moved her freak out to a new level. I couldn't deal. I picked her up and instantly she was calm. We decided to try again at her next feeding and took her back into our room. The moment we walked through the door she started smiling and cooing. It was insanely cute. It was also making the whole process much more difficult.

At her 4:30 feeding, Husband took her back into her room to feed her. I came in and snuggled with her a bit. She ate and was changed then came back to me for further snuggling. This time when I put her in the crib, she squirmed a bit but went to sleep. We snuck out of the room. Walking into our room minus Pie and all her baby sleeping apparatus was heartbreaking. I felt empty. We crawled back in bed and I cried some more, but Pie slept on oblivious to our struggle. I seriously considered swaddling the moniter and putting it in the bassinet so I could pretend she was still in the room.

I think tonight we may try some different things to have her in her room for the full night. It's incredibly hard for us, but it's the right thing for her. She's growing so fast and is borderline too big for the bassinet. Having her in our room is completely selfish. I miss her so much during the day and I love going to sleep hearing her heavy breathing. I love waking up and seeing her sweet little face right next to me. It seems so grown up and so far away to be in her own room. I've got to suck it up though. It's time.


fakemomname said...

Oh, ouch. We kept DD in our room in a co-sleeper until she was 9-10 months, for everyone's benefit. Night wakings were so much easier with everyone right there.

Even after all that time, the transition was hard on me. After a week or so, though, we all slept (and, ahem, "slept") better with the new arrangements. It will get easier!

Also, if you're looking for expert sleep advice, I HIGHLY recommend "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantly. It's so reassuring and common sense-oriented.

sara said...

It's sucking tremendously, but I am certainly looking forward to, ahem, "sleeping" better. Hehehe. I'll definitely go look for that book, sounds right up my alley. Thanks for the tip!

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