April 28, 2010

Hey...Jimmy Buffett...I need to have a word with you.

Dearest Jimmy -

In the interest of full disclosure, I should start this note with the fact that I am not a fan. I'm sure you're a really nice multi-gazillionaire, but your music just isn't my scene. I am, however, exposed to it in great volumes because my husband is what you crazy kids call a parrothead. He loves your music, admires your life (steel drums and all), and as if all of that weren't bad enough, I have to live with the after effects of your concerts too.

You were in town last night and my husband, brother and two brothers-in-law went to the show. I feel like it's important that you know the damage done by this event. In chronological order:

  1. Husband spent a crapton of money on booze for the pre-show festivities
  2. He has spent weeks "in training" to build up his tolerance and bladder in preparation
  3. He has also spent these weeks talking incessantly about what the show will be like, what music they should listen to on the way to and from the show, etc driving me utterly crazy
  4. They stopped at The Varsity for dinner. This is not a good choice given Husband's cholesterol issues which I'm sure you'll see once you take a look at the menu
  5. At the show itself much revelry and drinking was had by all
  6. On the way home from the show, they stopped at the Waffle House. Again with the cholesterol
  7. He stumbled into our house about 1:00am, waking me up. Thank god he didn't wake up our daughter...this would be a very different letter if he had
  8. He then proceeded to stink the joint up with all his booziness. Even when he was not in the room I could smell him. I fear permanent damage may have been done to the linens...the mattress...the carpet. Can drywall hold a smell? If we have to replace that too, you'll be getting a bill
  9. He woke me up around 4:00am to let me know he might vomit. Why he felt the need to have a discussion about this, I couldn't say
  10. And as the cherry on top, just being in a three meter range of him, I could taste the alcohol. Not pleasant when you haven't been drinking yourself.

I'm sure you mean well, bringing "joy and music" to the masses, but as you can clearly see it causes problems. Please take this into consideration the next time you are planning a tour.

Fins to the right and all that...



Marc said...

Hey he got brought home in one piece :)

Bronzed said...

and also one piece.

sara said...

yeah, yeah...shut up both of you!

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