- Your hold on personal hygiene will slip away. Days when you can get to the mouthwash will be a triumph. Things like flossing, conditioner, and shaving will be but distant memories.
- You will become comfortable being covered in a tremendous amount of bodily fluids. More than you should be comfortable with unless you are an EMT or possibly a porn star.
- You will have in-depth conversations about poop with other parents. These will be fascinating conversations.
- The lack of sleep/sheer exhaustion will drive you to have the weirdest dreams of your life. Fevered, crack head dreams. And I don't mean "Oh that crack was great, I hope I can find some more." I mean scenes from the movie Titanic cast completely with characters from Scooby Doo. "Oh man, we're like sinking Scoob!" "Ruh-roh!" "Let's see if we can hit the buffet one more time before the g-g-g-ghosts appear!" *
- You will have full-blown, introspective conversations with said baby...in public. Others will assume you've gone completely mad.
*Even in the dream you're aware enough to think, "Thelma...here's your chance. Grab another girl and get down to business!"