Turning corners

My little Pie was 12 weeks old yesterday. I don't know how that happened. I've always heard people say things like "pay attention...it goes by so fast." But I had no idea. Standing by the side of the bed watching her be born was a heartbeat ago, a blink. And at the same time it seems as though she's been with us forever.

In the last week or two it seems as though she's made some huge transitions. She has moved up a size in diapers, up a size in bottles, up a size in clothes, up in the number of hours she sleeps at night, up in the number of hours she is awake during the day. They don't seem like such huge things...big deal...she gained weight and has to use a bigger diaper now. Intellectually I get that. Emotionally it feels like she's already such a big girl.

With all of our fertility issues this little Pie may be the only child we have. And every milestone, no matter how small, is both exhilarating and a little bit sad. I can't wait for her first word, her first step. I imagine all of the things we'll do together and revel in the anticipation. And at the same time wish I could freeze-frame her. Keep her so tiny that her foot can disappear completely in my grasp. Keep her happy to sleep on my chest, so close that I can smell her milky breath and feel her heartbeat against mine. I would imagine that is a base struggle for all parents.