Unofficial Mom: I love that it's him, but I wish it was me

September 2, 2010

I love that it's him, but I wish it was me

Woo...two posts in one day? Slow down fast car! I'm a day late to link up with Shell, but I thought I'd jump in anyway since this has been on my mind.

For any of my new friends who don't know, Husband is a stay-at-home dad. He takes care of the Pie and I go to work. It sucks.

Watching them together is perhaps the greatest joy in my life. He loves her with everything he is and the feeling is mutual. She is the definition of daddy's girl. He recently said, "I think I was meant to be a dad." I agree whole-heartedly. He's amazing with her. I go to sleep every night hoping that there will be more babies for him to love and spoil and snuggle and squeeze down the road.

All of that is fantastic. The problem is that I'm jealous. It's an ugly truth, but a truth nonetheless. I want her face to fill with joy when she sees me. I want her to reach for me ( a new trick that is currently driving a truckload of salt into the wound...and not the good kind of Salt). I want her eyes to sparkle and her little mouth to drop open in a gummy grin at the sheer expectation of me being close.

Don't get me wrong. She loves me. I am her mama. She snuggles and gives kisses and likes to have a hand or foot on me to make sure I'm close by. But daddy is number 1. I don't want to take that spot from him. I don't want him to lose that status I just wish I could share it. Be co-number 1. Like co-captains, but with fewer dorky outfits and much less being aggressive...BE AGGRESSIVE BE BE AGGRESSIVE!

Alright...I know it's time to move on once cheerleader references show up to the party. Bottom line is that it sucks I can't be home with them. I cry on the way to work...a lot. I miss them like crazy. And slowly we're trying to figure out a plan and take the steps to remedy that.

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jennifer · 764 weeks ago

i can only imagine how this feels and it breaks my heart reading it. i hope you do figure out a plan so that you can stop crying on the way to work.

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Mommy's Sippy Cup · 764 weeks ago

:( I'm sorry. I can only imagine how that is because I know that I would be the same way. How wonderful that you have such an amazing husband that is also an amazing father, but I know that doesn't make it any easier.

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swistle 57p · 764 weeks ago

Great title. And if it helps, lots of stay-at-home moms find that the working parent is the favorite once the baby stage is over---so in your case, things might switch soon.

1 reply · active 752 weeks ago

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AJ O. · 752 weeks ago

Reading for the begining after finding you through Swistle this weekend and wanted to add to this:
I am the working mom with a SAHD and at nearly two years old we are pretty equal now, I get such a thrilling response wen I walk in the door and tons of attention even when Dad is arround.

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Elsie · 764 weeks ago

Oh man! That would be so tough! I feel horrible and I only work part-time! I'm sure it will get better. =)

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Christina · 764 weeks ago

UGH! I know how you feel! Although my husband and I both work out of the home, I know that feeling of driving to work, crying, wishing you were staying home! :( Hopefully your steps to remedy the situation fall in to place soon!! :) Good luck!

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--K · 764 weeks ago

You know, I stay home with Babe and she went through that with me and then with Boyfriend. They take turns and from what I can tell it doesn't really revolve around amount of time spent together. Hang in there lady, she'll come back around.

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Sara · 764 weeks ago

Believe me- I know how you feel!! My hubby works from home a lot and he keeps Hudson every morning and takes him to "school" because I have to be at work at 7.30am. It sucks and I get real jealous about it. They get to go on walks and to the park and he feeds him breakfast. I struggled A LOT with that at first, but I've gotten used to it now and I'm glad they have that time together. If he was home ALL the time with Hudson though, I'd be a green monster!! I sympathize with you. I can't even imagine.....
Pie's super lucky to have one parent at home with her at all times though! You'll get through this and Pie will appreciate the sacrifice you made for her. I promise.

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Shell · 764 weeks ago

Oh, I would be sad, too. But, I'm home with kids- and my youngest is a Daddy's boy through and through anyway.

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chelsea-rebecca · 764 weeks ago

i love that your husband is so sweet and caring! and when he melted my heart when he said he was meant to be a dad! so wonderful!
and maybe this part of your family's life, this is when pie and your husband bond and later you will be given the same opportunity to spend boat loads of time with her!

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Christy · 764 weeks ago

I understand completely. I work outside the home 40 hours a week while my husband stays at home with both our girls. I am jealous sometimes. I guess I deal with it by trying not to dwell on and enjoy every second I have with them. And know, it is a phase she is going through ... before you know it she'll be yelling at both of y'all, lol!

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crisgoode 43p · 764 weeks ago

It is tough. Until recently, my husband spent the most time at home with her while I had a regular 9-5 (or 6,7,8,9). We found a way to get me home and make it work. Best of luck to you. In the meantime, just treasure that time you have with her and be thankful for such an awesome partner :)

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Salt · 764 weeks ago

I think the way you are feeling is very normal. My sister-in-law goes to work and her husband stays home with their boys. I think she went through some of the same things. As time goes on and Pie gets a little older, I have a feeling there might be a shift in all this when she really understands what it is to miss you. :)

My life is one big cheerleader reference right now, so I chuckled at that part. :)

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Jenny · 764 weeks ago

B-E-AGG-R-E-SSIVE. Sorry couldn't help it!

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Boobies · 764 weeks ago

First..your hubby sounds amazing! I LOVE hearing about stay at home Dads who really bond with their kids. My husband and I have the total opposite situation...and he's definitely jealous. I think that's very normal. The very little time he does have away from work-he and The Boss are thick as thieves...just as I'm sure you and Pie are when you're home.

And huge kudos to you Miss Thang...for bringing home the bacon! REFRESHING!

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Nancy C · 764 weeks ago

If it helps, I'm the stay-at-home parent, and my boys love their daddy more. It used to be different. I think it just shifts back and forth over time.

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adrienne · 764 weeks ago

Sara, My heart goes out to you, and I'm going to be praying for a solution! I was once a career Mom running a title agency while hubs stayed home with both of our boys! I would cry every Monday on the way to work for years! Our youngest was a newborn at the time, and it killed me! I can just totally relate to this post! I will say that God answered our prayers to get me home, so hang in there!

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Adrienne · 764 weeks ago

BTW, I stopped by from Shell's PYHO! :) Glad I did!

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Sadako · 764 weeks ago

Aww. I think it's natural to feel that way, even if you know your kid loves both of you. You do sound like an awesome, caring, really concerned mom based on your writing on this blog.

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Shelley · 764 weeks ago

i just stumbled across your blog and i love how open you are on it! especially with this post. it makes me feel more connected because i know this isnt a blog thats simply meant to amuse people. great post!

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Megan @ Twinsomnia · 764 weeks ago

Oh, I hear you. I.hear.you. I think I could've written this post word for word.

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WeeMasonMan's Mom · 764 weeks ago

I have this same problem, only I am the one who is with the baby more. Due to work schedules, my husband sometimes goes 2-3 days without seeing our little guy and meanwhile, I'm the one who is with him every evening, puts him to bed every night, gets up with him every morning, and spends every moment with him every weekend. Yet, all of the smiles, grins, and delight is saved entirely for Daddy. People keep saying it switches back and forth, but it's been 6 months and I'm still chopped liver *sigh*

Your husband sounds awesome though :o)

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