Unofficial Mom: One and done {subtitle: I'm greedy and ungrateful}

October 20, 2010

One and done {subtitle: I'm greedy and ungrateful}

So I'm going to skip Wordless Wednesday today and link up with Shell at Things I Can't Say for a little pouring out of my heart.

Here it is...I'm greedy and possibly ungrateful. Despite having come from a big family, one where every person had to get their first helping before anyone could have seconds, I want more. I want my second helping now...and my third...and maybe even my fourth.

Pie is the greatest, most unexpected thing to ever happen in my life. She is lightening striking, a solar eclipse, Haley's comet. To say her appearance in our lives is a miracle, is an understatement. (For anyone who doesn't know the crazy story, you can read it here).

We had, only months before her arrival, started accepting that we would never have kids. We would have each other and that would be enough. We both wanted a big family, but that just wasn't in the cards for us. And then *BOOM* Pie shows up.

She makes me laugh and cry and go a little more crazy every single day. She is a gift like no other. I am more myself than I have ever been by being her mom. She is amazing. But...

But...I want more. I still want the big family, the house full of chaos and whirlwinds. I want more children. And that makes me feel like a greedy, ungrateful ass. Why can't I be happy with the miracle I have (not to say that I'm not). Maybe satisfied is a better word than happy. Why can't I feel settled and done. Why can't I wish for others who are still waiting for their first baby to have one first. Why must I wish for them to have one also.

Why do I feel compelled to figure out a way to approach a pregnant teen...
"Oh I see you like Cap'n Crunch. Me too. Crunchberries are the best. Soooo you keeping that baby? If not you can give it to me, we have so much in common...remember the Cap'n?!"

I still feel like I'm in the grip of childless desperation. Like, yes we have a child, but maybe somehow it's not for keeps. Like I need to grab all the babies I can or I'll still end up without any. I can't explain it.

I know that I need to stop worrying that Pie may be our one and done, and start celebrating that she is our holy shit we have a baby.

But how do I do that?

Comments (45)

Logging you in...

Dashboard | Edit profile | Logout

Logged in as

0 Vote up Vote down

Crisc · 753 weeks ago

Your not greedy, your human. *hugs*

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

0 Vote up Vote down

Emily · 753 weeks ago

I'm so not in your situation, but I understand completely. You are not greedy.

1 reply · active 753 weeks ago

0 Vote up Vote down

alicia · 753 weeks ago

it's not greedy, it's normal. our adoption was such an amazing experience, our baby girl such an awesome gift, we couldn't stop pinching ourselves! it all made the possibility of having the family we always wanted more of a reality and that was exciting. plus, we want siblings for our little girl. why should she grow up alone because we feel that beggars can't be choosers?

1 reply · active 753 weeks ago

0 Vote up Vote down

finally Mom · 753 weeks ago

::big hugs, momma::
I feel totally opposite- and bad for it: I have no desire for another, yet don't really understand why and, in return, feel like there's something wrong with me for wanting no more.

1 reply · active 753 weeks ago

0 Vote up Vote down

Random Blogette · 753 weeks ago

Wow! I did not realize the back story on Pie! And you are so not greedy, you are human my dear. I have a beautiful healthy daughter and a great step-son that lives with us full-time but I still want more. There is no way that we could afford another and there is a 1 in 4 chance that the next child may have PKU like Peanut does (even though hers is mild). So it is better that we don't but in the back of my mind I will always want another kid.

If you can handle the frustrations and the complexities that come with adopting children from the foster care system then that is awesome. I saw first hand what that system is like trying to get custody of my son, and it is no place for children, but it is also very hard to deal with what may come with those children. My son has been with us for 4 years and we are actually going back to counseling again.

Sorry I just wrote a book here but I just want you to know that you are human and not greedy. You are definitely blessed though with such an amazing gift.

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

+1 Vote up Vote down

LittleBitLife 20p · 753 weeks ago

I'm finally pregnant with my first after two years of trying and I already want more. I don't think there is anything abnormal about it. I think you just have a big heart and want to share your love with many.

1 reply · active 753 weeks ago

0 Vote up Vote down

Mungee's Ma · 753 weeks ago

The heart wants what the heart wants. DO NOT beat yourself up for that. You recognize that you have more love to give and that makes you brave and strong, not greedy and selfish.

1 reply · active 753 weeks ago

0 Vote up Vote down

Grace · 753 weeks ago

Oh Sara, you aren't greedy in the least bit. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting more children. Big hugs.

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

0 Vote up Vote down

Shell · 753 weeks ago

You're not greedy, you are just honest.

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

+1 Vote up Vote down

Cindy A 68p · 753 weeks ago

You are not greedy, I think it is natural, and human (I mean we are programmed in our brain to reproduce, right?- So I think we all have that on our brain, or at least a handful of us!) You are a great Mom to Pie, she is lucky to have you! It is only natural your thoughts, :)

1 reply · active 753 weeks ago

0 Vote up Vote down

ComplicatedMama · 753 weeks ago

((HUGS)) Nothing to feel guilty about. Just because you wonder about the possibility of having another doesnt mean you dont feel blessed.

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

0 Vote up Vote down

Kristin · 753 weeks ago

It's definitely not greedy, it's human. The fact that it feels selfish, speaks to the truly unselfish person you are.

As to your comment of "the grip of childless desperation," I think that as adoptive parents, we tend to always want to hold on to our babies tighter, because it feels so surreal that we are actually parents, like the dream might somehow end and we will be childless again. For me, I think I'm scared that one day he will look for his natural parents and leave me behind.

Sending you big hugs...

1 reply · active 753 weeks ago

0 Vote up Vote down

Meg · 753 weeks ago

My heart aches for you! I am not in this situation, but I have a very close friend who is in a similar situation. I don't think you're greedy at all. People like the Octomom are greedy!

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

+1 Vote up Vote down

swistle 57p · 753 weeks ago

Dude, of COURSE you want another! And I SO hate the whole "You should be grateful with what you have and not even WANT more" thing: I think it's silly and in fact WRONG. It's like saying "You had a dish of ice cream, and now you can never have any more. What? You want more? GREEDY!" Or, "You should be grateful you got to date that great guy for a year---you shouldn't want to marry him." Or, "You should be grateful you have a friend, you shouldn't want another." Silly! You want a big family: that's ONE thing to want, and I don't even have to say that it's okay to want that, because of COURSE it is.

2 replies · active 753 weeks ago

0 Vote up Vote down

Just Another Mom of2 · 753 weeks ago

Oh, I completely echo the other commenters, knowing what you want and wishing for a bigger family is not greedy. You want to expand the love and affection your family has into even more love and memories that more children will bring. We all have our feelings, and it just shows your honesty in expressing them .Sending hugs.

2 replies · active 753 weeks ago

0 Vote up Vote down

--K · 753 weeks ago

To have a big family is selfless. Enough said.

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

0 Vote up Vote down

Tonggu Momma · 753 weeks ago

Since we've been waiting over four years for a second child, I think I can safely say you are NOT crazy, greedy or selfish. We've been waiting over FOUR years because we want this so much. If we didn't, we would have given up long ago. Being on the other side of it, since our wait is almost over, all I can say is - expect the unexpected. We were surprised with a quick referral for our Tongginator, but this next go-around has been an exercise in learning patience. And with each situation, I have seen the hand of God in my life. It is what it is because it's what one or more of us have needed. (((hugs)))

1 reply · active 753 weeks ago

0 Vote up Vote down

Cheryl @ Mommypants · 753 weeks ago

Greedy? Selfish? Not at all. You are ALLOWED to want another child. It is no reflection on how much you cherish and appreciate Pie. I have three kids - did it make me a bad person for wanting more? No. It made me HUMAN. Good for you for being honest and for saying what I'm sure a lot of women feel.

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

0 Vote up Vote down

Kristy · 753 weeks ago

I feel like something is wrong with me because I DON'T feel that way! I am happy with one and I wonder if people think that I must not be able to "handle it," or something like that.

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

0 Vote up Vote down

Nichol · 753 weeks ago

I just found your blog, and read the story of Pie. Amazing. All I can say is you are not greedy, it's completely normal. You are HUMAN and it's only natural:)

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

0 Vote up Vote down

Lisa · 753 weeks ago

You're not greedy. You just want to build your family. I'm a birthmom myself,and I want, oh, 20 kids, yesterday. Yet I plan to have a marriage and family to bring my next child into. I wrestle with the fact that I did not keep my daughter all the time. Yet I wanted her to have two parents, a loving and involved dad, siblings, a home, a large extended family. All of what I couldn't give her. I think once a child enters your world, you change, your eyes open. Some parents choose to stick with one child, some proceed in adding more to their family. Your heart is open, that isn't selfish! This will probably get me scolded in birthmother-land, but what I think is greedy and selfish is individuals woefully unprepared in all ways to parent- choosing to parent (eg. "16 and Pregnant"). God bless them, but when you see the sad consequences of unprepared and uneducated and immature parenting played out on national tv no less, it makes you wonder at the imbalance of it all. Meg is right "People like the Octomom are greedy".

1 reply · active 753 weeks ago

0 Vote up Vote down

Boobies · 753 weeks ago

You aren't one bit greedy!! I have three children....(and as crazy as this sounds) I still want more...I think I will even when I'm 50. It's just that maternal part of us!

Post a new comment

Comment as a Guest, or login:

Submit Comment

Subscribe to

Comments by IntenseDebate

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)