April 27, 2011

PYHO {Wanting}

Life has left me wanting lately. Wanting more than I can really process. Wanting more than, in all honesty, I think I should or can have...

Wanting to do something I love every day instead of something that I have to do to supports us.

Wanting to know exactly what that would be.

Wanting the opportunity to find out.

Wanting my stupid body to work like it's supposed to.

Wanting to feel victorious over my weight issues instead of always, always defeated.

Wanting to know what it's like to have control over the size of my family.

Wanting to know what it feels like to have a baby nestled safely inside me.

Wanting more time with my sweet girl.

Wanting to be there with her for every spin, every jump, every giggle.

Wanting to be there with her to kiss every boo-boo all better, to soothe every upset.

Wanting not to feel so exhausted and beaten down all the time.

Wanting desperately to take away the heartache that a dear blog friend is dealing with due to a recent, terrible loss.

Wanting to be closer so I could offer her and her family more than just moral support. (xoxox J, J & I)

Wanting to feel joyful and passionate about my life instead of resigned to trudge through another day.

And there's so much more. So much more that I want, that I long for, that I dream and think and wish for. I am hating that my life is primarily wanting with wonderful moments of contentment thrown in. It should be the other way around. And I feel so ungrateful to want so much when I have so much already. I have more than so many people and I cherish it all, but...there's always that damn wanting.