August 10, 2011

PYHO {Adoption makes breaks them too}

Yup. Another adoption related Pour Your Heart Out with Shell at Things I Can't Say.

Last week I talked about how tricky adoption can complicated it can get when your child is also someone else's child. This week I've been thinking about how adoption creates or adds to one family while separating another.

Adoption is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I am a mom because of adoption. I have a family that I thought would be nothing more than an all-consuming dream because of adoption. But of course, that's not the whole story. As elated as I am, there are others who are equally as heartbroken. Others who don't have the family that was possible because of adoption.

I tend to forget the other side of my shiny, pretty coin. The side that maybe doesn't shine as brightly. I tend to forget the people who grieve while I celebrate. And it's not just the bios. There are so many other people who were affected. For every sibling, parent, niece or nephew I have who loves my daughter and thinks her being a part of our family is the coolest, there is an equal and opposite reaction within the bio's families.

Without getting into too much of the detail, the bio families (on both sides) were against the adoption. Several people involved felt that if the bios were not parenting, then they should...that the baby should stay with the family. So in addition to losing a grandchild, or niece, or cousin there are people who also lost the possibility of raising my daughter. And they grieve for that loss.

Despite the fact that my daughter's biological parents were not ready for a child, and despite the fact that they are very happy with their decision...there is still hurt. No matter the reason people choose not to parent, no matter the events that lead to an adoption there is always going to be one family in utter bliss and one dealing with loss. Both sides of the coin will always be present.