August 7, 2012

Putting it out there

I've been debating about this for awhile...

Do I keep blogging as if nothing is going on at home? Do I lie by omission? Or do I become completely I share the not so rainbows and unicorns stuff?

I do.

We are teetering on the edge. The next year will likely be the hardest we've ever had to face. Beyond the whole going blind/mounting legal bills that we can't pay thing, we are facing major changes.

In December I will leave a job I'll have had full-time for 13+ years, and part-time for another 10 or so years before that. I will leave that job to do my student teaching. It is the most exhilarating and terrifying thing. I'll be finishing my master's and finally moving into a career that I love. I cannot wait to spend my days in the classroom. However...I will not be getting paid. From January through August (assuming I get hired right away) I will not have a salary. Nothing. And I am currently the bread-winner.

Husband is starting a business to replace my income and still be able to be a stay at home dad to Pie. I have absolutely no doubt that he will be successful. My doubt lies in whether or not it will be quickly enough.

We have no sense of what this year holds other than hardship, sacrifice, and struggle. We don't know how we will survive. We don't know if we'll be able to pay our bills, keep our house, do all the things for Pie that we want. And frankly, if you'll pardon the language, that scares the shit out of me.

So there it is. We are facing absolute uncertainty. But I am trying as hard as I can to believe that we will come out the other side all the better for it. If we can just make it through...


birthmothertalks said...

I don't know if you read any of my two blogs but I refuse to post only the cheery rainbow stuff. I tell readers how it is and there are always some things kept private but mostly I keep it real. Hope the new business takes off fast. Can I ask why he didn't start the business sooner to have less of a risk to losing income and your home? We always stuggle and every year we manage to keep our home is a cause to celebrate. Good luck.

Jackie said...

Proud of you for taking a leap of faith! What will Husband be doing?

Anonymous said...

I remember when my mother did this. Began her student teaching while my brother and I were teenagers while trying to work and keep a house and a husband and 5 pets and etc. I'm glad you're doing it now and I'm sorry you're so scared but to have the job you want is priceless and you will get through it mostly cause you're amazing and party cause you have no choice. Just take it on woman, a day at a time. Don't think too far ahead or you'll panic and if you need anything, and I do mean anything, that's shippable of course (clothes, toys for pie, Target gift cards) please don't hesitate to shoot me an email. Or just email me cause your emails are amazing.

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