How Do You Deal With a Neighbor Who is a TOTAL A-Hole?

Let me set the scene for you...our neighbor is an a-hole. Did you like the dramatic lead-up, the well crafted character development, the shocking revelation?

Alright...maybe that wasn't as informative as it could have been. I'll back up. The neighbor behind us has lived in her house almost as long as we've been in ours. And we've been there 9.5 years. In all of that time we've spoken once. Once. And it was only because I initiated the conversation.

Needless to say she is not a very pleasant person. Husband and I have a fairly strong suspicion that she's a serial killer. We realize it's not as common for women, but if you saw her I'm sure you'd agree. Additionally, her garden grows a little too well...I'm thinking she's got some "special" fertilizer. You know...special...wink wink. (I totally mean people).

And when she'd not hiding inside tormenting her victims, she's out obsessively walking her giant doberman. Seriously, this thing probably weighs as much as she does, and it drags her around the neighborhood. The doberman? Also and a-hole. I'm not a big pet person, but if your pet is well-behaved then great. Not this dog. The stupid thing barks day and night non-stop. Total a-hole behavior. And despite the fact that if we can hear, I'm sure the neighbor who is actually with the dog can, she does nothing to stop it.

All of that I can mostly deal with, I stopped waving to her a long time ago, I've never bothered to engage her in conversation again, I basically ignore and avoid. However, on Sunday she crossed the line with me. BIG TIME.

Pie is crazy about animals. All animals. Especially those she can touch. So on Sunday she's out running around in our side yard with my nephews. And she hears the a-hole dog barking. So what does a 2 year old that loves animals do? Yup. She runs for the fence to try and see the dog. And the nephews follow to make sure she's okay.

And as soon as they get within a relatively close range of the fence, my a-hole neighbor who was apparently laying in wait in the back yard with her a-hole dog, sprays the kids (Pie, my 8 year old nephew, and my 10 year old nephew) with the hose and starts screaming, "DON"T ANTAGONIZE MY DOG!!" Yes, crazy lady, my 2 year old that was near-ish your fence was antagonizing the dog. I'm not sure how you could tell given that it barks all effing day...but yes...you're right. And spraying her with the hose is a totally appropriate response.

Alright, if you've made it this far I'm impressed. And here, finally, is the question. What do you do? I've had several thoughts on the matter:

1. confront her like an adult and have a civilized conversation with her
2. confront her like we're on Jerry Springer and tell her if she ever so much as looks at my child again I'll cut her
3. report her to the HOA (mostly as a noise complaint against the dog)
4. do something dignified like slash her tires
5. behave in a truly lady-like manner and rip all the plants out of her precious garden (possibly unearthing evidence of her serial killing in the process)
6. ignore it and keep Pie well away from her and her house and her stupid dog (this one might be hard since we share a property line)

If I had gone over right when it happened it would have been number 2 for sure, a little later probably 4 or 5. Now I'm not so sure.

What do you think?

They Drive Me Crazy

I'm hooking up with Northwest Mommy for Monday Listicles. This week's theme is

"sounds that drive you mad."

10 sounds that drive me crazy:

1. the alarm clock. oh dear god it makes me instantly stabby.
2. other people's kids being loud/obnoxious in public.
3. my kid being loud/obnoxious in public (not that she ever is. heh)
4. ice being chewed. sends shivers up my spine just thinking about it.
5. the peppa pig theme song.
6. anything by or about justin bieber.
7. my work email dinging. it's almost always someone looking to complain.
8. neighborhood dogs that bark non-stop. unfortunately we have several of these.
9. whining of any kind by anyone.
10. stupidity. in the form of anyone from jersey shore opening their mouths, actually pretty much anyone from reality tv (despite the fact that I watch a ton of it), uneducated opinions, etc.

My lIttle graduate

I am one proud mama today! I can't even tell you how excited I am for my little Pie.

As of last night she is a speech therapy graduate!!!

If you've been around awhile you know that Pie has been in speech therapy since about 18 months old. And when she started, Pie could only say "what's that" and who's that". Now there's almost never a moment of silence. She narrates her entire day, and if she's not chatting she's singing. It kills me.

After her session yesterday, her therapist said she is now exceeding all the standards of a child her age. Not just meeting them but EXCEEDING them. Can you see me beaming with pride? Is it blinding you yet?

We'll continue to go every few months for maintenance checks to make sure she continues to progress as she should, but as of right now she's an official graduate. Oh my baby girl. So so proud.

I will say it's a little bittersweet. Pie loves, I mean LOVES, her therapist so it'll be hard not to see her as much. Thankfully she's a friend of Middle Sister and lives in her neighborhood so we should still bump into her now and then.

And just because, here's a quick pic from this morning to start your weekend...

Handmade

The prompt, "When was the last time you made something with your hands and what was it? (inspired by mindbump.com)."

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My beautiful niece C turned 1 at the end of June and there was of course an awesome party. Her gifts from Husband, Pie, and me were all handmade, because that's how we roll. Also because we're crazy broke at the moment. But mostly the that's how we roll part.

So here's what the birthday girl got...

1) Two ocean themed screenprint tees.

2) An elephant picture. This one has a bit of a story. When C's older sister E was born I made a fairly big piece of art for her nursery. It has three elephants linked tail to trunk, one for E, one for Big Sister, and one for BIL. Because it's framed and I can't alter it, I made a separate elephant to represent C that will hang alongside the original.

This sweet little guy is made from some fingerpainting that Pie did (in the appropriate colors) then I cut out the shape. So it was a group project.

3) And finally, sweet C got her name in lights, or embroidery thread as the case may be.

But the party itself can't be overlooked. The basic theme was confetti, so that gave us lots of leeway for decorations. It turned out so cute. Fantastic job by Big Sister!

To help, I made some tasty chocolate dipped marshmallows, some confetti rice krispies, a balloon wreath, and both sisters and I made the table cloth.

And here are just a few other random shots from the party. Super cute right?

Sorry for the quality of the pics, they're all from my phone. If you follow me on instagram (swdenison) you've already seen some of these. But they're worth seeing again.

Wordless Wednesday {All Natural}

 

Topomax / Blindy McBlinderson Update

Just before we left on vacation I had another appointment with the glaucoma specialist about the whole Topomax debacle.

We went in with fingers crossed that we were finally at a point where some steps could be taken to move forward. And when we saw the doctor we were even more excited. She felt like we could attempt to get some glasses for me.

The idea of reading again, driving again, functioning in a somewhat normal and, more importantly, independent way made me giddy. It wouldn't be a total resolution, but it was a step in the right direction...finally.

And that's where the good news stopped. The prescription specialist came in and spent the next hour trying her very hardest to get me set up with glasses. She couldn't.

Apparently what the angle of my eyes would dictate as a prescription versus the images my brain is receiving are two totally different things. And there's no way to help me until it's the same thing again.

No way to help. And they really can't say with any certainty that the two will ever be the same again.

And just to send us out the door with a final kick to the ass, they don't think it's worth seeing me again until the end of November. They feel bad about me coming in once a month, paying a bunch of money, and being told sorry charlie over and over again.

So that's another 4+ months of being driven everywhere I go. Another 4+ months of the pain and frustration. Another 4+ months of this absolute nightmare cause from 10 days (10 M EFFING DAYS) of a well known, highly regarded prescription drug.

Good thing we left the next day to consume mass amounts of margaritas. Mmmmm...margaritas.

About last week...

I was apparently too busy enjoying this view...

...and drinking these to post.

I promise updates to come, including Pie's first mani/pedi which may or may not (and totally was) the cutest thing I've ever seen.

I Am

The prompt, " Fill in the blanks of this template and create your own I Am poem." I feel like this should be more eloquent or fluid, but it's all true so I'm going with it!

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I Am

I am quick-witted and sharp tongued
I wonder why I've always wanted children so badly but can't have them
I hear whales singing
I see pirate ships on the horizon
I want more babies
I am fast of mind and cutting in words

I pretend that I have money and can live a life of leisure
I feel sad that the unicorns are disappearing
I touch the edge of exhaustion every day
I worry about everything
I cry often lately
I am quick-witted and sharp tongued

I understand that my family means everything to me
I say I love you every day
I dream of a day when I can do what I love
I try to let things go
I hope I actually can
I am quick-witted and sharp tongued

Wordless Wednesday {Ribbit Ribbit}

Oh how I'd miss it...or not

I'm hooking up with Northwest Mommy for Monday Listicles. This week's theme is

" inspired by Nora Ephron’s list THINGS SHE WILL MISS AND WHAT SHE WON’T."

10 things I would miss if I disappeared today:

1. family
2. the smell of a fire
3. beach air
4. the overwhelming love I see in Husband's face when he looks at Pie
5. unsolicited kisses
6. feeling Husband's arms around me
7. curling up in bed after a long day
8. laughing until my jaw hurts and tears are rolling down my face
9. possibilities
10. absolutely everything, head to toe, inside and out of this little girl (this is my favorite pic of Pie right now. just look at all that crazy hair!)

10 things I absolutely would not miss:

1. bills and the stress of trying to pay them
2. anxiety
3. adult acne...I'm mean really at 35 pushing some teenager out of the way to get the Clean and Clear. not cool face. not cool.
4. obsessing about the size of my bum
5. comparisons
6. having to work...I clearly was meant to be a lady of leisure
7. cleaning toilets
8. getting home from the store and realizing you got a bunch of junk you don't need and forgot the important things you went for in the first place
9. having a brilliant idea as you're falling asleep and having no memory of it in the morning
10. guilt. for any reason. especially ice cream or wine related

It's Monday. It's a List. It's Monday Listicles.

I'm hooking up with Northwest Mommy for Monday Listicles. This week's theme is

"ten questions from Stasha."

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, and find line 4. What is it?
    "I couldn't make up my mind, so I hopped in the shower."

2. How many times a day do you say Hi?
    Probably a thousand....mostly to Pie. Everytime she enters a room I feel compelled to
    say, "hi darling girl!"
    

3. Have you ever worn a uniform?
    Yup, for a couple of jobs. Most notably the horrible shirt/parachute pants combo from
    Discovery Zone.

4. What do you think about the most?
    Pie followed closely by money. Or more accurately the absence of money and
    desperate need for it.

5. How many keys are on your keyring?
    Four. One for the car, one for the house, one for my sister's house, and an old one for
    my office.

6. What was the last thing you bought?
    Coffee on my way to work this morning. Venti decaf iced white mocha. Yum.

7. Are you growing anything these days?
    Tired? Complacent? I kid. Sort of. I'm not growing anything. It's so insanely hot here
    that I think it'd be impossible. That coupled with the fact that I can kill plastic plants
    and growing things doesn't bode well at my house.

8. What is under your bed?
    Dust bunnies. And of course the monster that I'm certain will get me if any part of my
    body moves off the bed during the night.

9. What is most important in life?

    Family. Hands down. Without question.

10. What is the strangest word you used this week?
      Good question. Oddly enough I had a whole conversation about the word scaramouche
     (a rascal or scamp) on Friday. I think defenestration (the act of throwing a thing or
      especially a person out of a window) may have been mentioned too. God I'm a dork.